Archive | 1st Child RSS feed for this section

First Day Of Kindergarten or (My Total Failure In Parenthood)

30 Aug IMG_20160829_090518

Much has changed with my growing boys this year.  Max is now 5 and a half (that “half” is very important to him) and going to kindergarten while Dodge is now 3 and a half (could care less about the “half”) and just starting to lose the baby fat in his cheeks, giving us a glimpse into what he’ll look like as a big kid.  They love Star Wars, wrestling, arguing, and anything that has massive potential to knock over everything in the house or accidentally burn the house down…so…they’re pretty typical little boys.  Max is a tall, rule-following gallump who can’t stop wiggling and talking throughout the day while Dodge is a stocky, rule-breaking cuddle-monkey who prefers to play quietly alone and pretend he’s a baby kitty, or a baby fox, or a baby cheetah, or a baby…anything.

August has been a race to the finish line to get these kids back in school and out of my wife’s hair, who impressively this summer didn’t drown either of them in the tub, leave them on the side of the highway, or simply sneak away during nap time never to return again.  They are great little guys…but being home with them all summer was a test of patience that Kate survived somehow.  I would have lost my shit.  No, patience is not one of my virtues and thus parenting is a lifelong challenge for me that I greet with both excited resolve and depressing defeat.  This is about the latter. Continue reading

Lice To The Max!

12 Feb

Max has lice.  Show of hands…who just got the creepy crawlies up their neck.  Yeah.  There are bug living in my 5-year old’s hair…and laying eggs.  When you put it like that, it’s friggin disgusting.  However, according to the CDC “an estimated 6 million to 12 million infestations occur each year in the United States among children 3 to 11 years of age.”  That means, and this is my own stupid math, about 25% of kids under the age of 10 will get lice…or 1 in 4 kids if you prefer to think of it that way.  Max has come home from school before with that note telling parents that someone at school has lice and we should take precautions.  Well…today, that’s my kid.  Your kid gets the note because my kid has the bugs!


Lice CombInstead of going to work, my wife and I got to get that weird lice shampoo and a lice comb from the pharmacy and got to work preening him.  I made the executive decision we were buzzing Max’s head.  He had been intentionally growing it out and it looked cool…but it smelled since he hates to wash his hair and we battle him on it every night at bath time or when I make him shower with me.  He said he didn’t want to do it and so I backed off.  Its his hair.  His hair with tiny bugs crawling along his scalp and laying eggs.  Gah!!!  Creepy crawlies for me.  Lice has nothing to do with being dirty, having unclean hair, or coming from an unclean home so I actually congratulated him for having such clean hair that the lice wanted to make it their home.  Then I asked him if he wanted them to stay for a while, get itchier, and not be able to go to activities -OR- buzz his head and make them move out much faster.  He thought about this long and hard.  He was leaning towards the buzz cut but he hates clippers.

You’ll look like Isaac.” Said Kate, referring to one of his best friends.

Buzz it!” Max said, and I did.


Now he looks older than he did before and considerably more Midwestern.  This is Kansas, where the buzz cut still roams freely among the prairie unaffected by the styles & trends of major cities.  Seriously Kansas, I’ve lived here 7 years and I’m getting fed up with the buzz cuts and brown shoes.  Spice it up a bit!

Lice_0Kate volunteered to stay home with the boys so I could go to work.  I went about my morning and dammit if I couldn’t stop scratching my head and checking the mirror.  Ghost lice.  Are you itching right now?  Imagining those tiny dirt-like bugs crawling along your scalp?  Laying those white eggs that stick to your hair?  Itching.  Scratching.  But most of all…the feeling that something is MOVING along your scalp!!!  Yeah, you’ re welcome.

All hair from the buzz cut was contained and is getting tossed.  All sheets, stuffed animals, clothes, etc. are getting washed in hot water.  Everything is getting vacuumed.  Dodge (my 2-year old) is getting the lice shampoo as well.  So is Kate.  So am I.  My mom, dad and I survived my sister having lice for weeks when I was little…Kate, dodge and I will survive this as well.  Lice only live for 1-2 days after falling off a person’s head…so we can kick this thing over the weekend or so!  The list of things to avoid are:

  • Avoid head-to-head (hair-to-hair) contact during play and other activities
  • Do not share clothing such as hats, scarves, coats, sports uniforms, hair ribbons, or barrettes.
  • Do not share combs, brushes, or towels. Disinfest combs and brushes used by an infested person by soaking them in hot water (at least 130°F) for 5–10 minutes.
  • Do not lie on beds, couches, pillows, carpets, or stuffed animals that have recently been in contact with an infested person.
  • Machine wash and dry clothing, bed linens, and other items that an infested person wore or used during the 2 days before treatment using the hot water (130°F) laundry cycle and the high heat drying cycle. Clothing and items that are not washable can be dry-cleaned OR sealed in a plastic bag and stored for 2 weeks.
  • Vacuum the floor and furniture, particularly where the infested person sat or lay. However, spending much time and money on housecleaning activities is not necessary to avoid reinfestation by lice or nits that may have fallen off the head or crawled onto furniture or clothing.
  • Do not use fumigant sprays or fogs; they are not necessary to control head lice and can be toxic if inhaled or absorbed through the skin.

What has me worried is Max took a nap in my bed the other day.  Getting the creepy crawlies again.  Pleeeeeeease let this be confined to my son.  First sign of itching I’m shaving my head…like, bald shaving.  Its just hair…it’ll grow back.  I’m buzzing Dodge tonight too I think.  Kate does not want a buzz.  I have brown shoes…at last I’ll finally fit in out here in the Midwest…

…and it’s all thanks to lice!

Special lice shampoo & Max's new buzz cut

Special lice shampoo & Max’s new buzz cut

Dodge getting lice shampoo...just in case.

Dodge getting lice shampoo…just in case.

Dealing with lice in your home?  Here are some helpful links:


Did you enjoy this post? If so please “like” it, share it, add a comment, and subscribe via email or RSS if you haven’t already at Thanks for reading!

Kids Turning 5

26 Jan

Today my oldest son (Max) turned 5.  It seems like he has been 5 for a while…but that may be due to the fact that he’s been reminding us of his birthday since Halloween.  He was keenly aware that Thanksgiving came after Halloween, then Christmas, then New Year’s, then his birthday.  He even asked if we could celebrate his birthday at his cousin’s birthday in December since it was almost his birthday too.  On January 1 he announced it was his birthday month and asked if we could have fireworks every day.  I explained it was my birthday year which apparently wasn’t very funny judging by the look on his face.  While understanding of the fact that we couldn’t celebrate EVERY day in January, he was slightly saddened and requested we use the Christmas advent calendar to countdown the days till his birthday.  That seemed okay…and here we are: January 26.

He has been very patient.  As patient as an “almost 5-year old” can be.  So we have been celebrating for 5 days and it has been hysterically awesome and exhausting.

DAY 1 (Friday) We got the ball rolling with his grandparents driving into town and partying at our house.  The boys are always so excited to see them and love showing them all the books they want them to read.  My wife Kate and I are always excited to have another set of adults to help with them and then after they go to bed the bourbon and wine flows freely!  Uncle Mark is a fan of not having to babysit.  Having outgrown his old Wichita State Shocker Basketball jersey I surprised him with a new jersey, hat, and sweatshirt which I think he slept in that night.  Kate and I revealed that tomorrow he’d be going to the game and sitting with Dada and both his grandpas.  This was greeted with insane dancing and excitement that roughly translates to “Hell yes!!!”


DAY 2 (Saturday) The guys took Max out for lunch, ice cream, and sodas before the game and then watched the Shocks thump Bradley.  Max always wears his “headphones” which are sound mufflers when we go somewhere loud.  He begs for them if there are fireworks.  A few minutes into the game he took them off and handed them to me.  “You can give those to Dodge, I’m 5 now and I don’t think I need them anymore.”  Well alright then.


After the game Max got to go into the locker room and help lead the team in song and high-five all the players.  He even got to meet his idol Fred VanVleet who gave him a big birthday hug, snapped a few photos with him, and signed his jersey.  Awesomeness overload!


Max even got to snap a few photos with Coach Gregg Marshall on the court!


After the game we went to Max’s favorite restaurant, Stearman’s in Benton, KS.  Its attached to the small airport and he likes to watch the planes takeoff and land.  He also likes all the plane parts and model planes inside.  Grandpa liked all of this too.  I’m not sure who had more fun…maybe Grandpa.  Max was pretty exhausted by that point and started to fall asleep half way through the first book at bedtime.  Hang on buddy…Day 3 is gonna blow your mind.

DAY 3 (Sunday) Was the day he had been planning and asking for since last year.  Max wanted to go cosmic bowling at The Alley.  They put the bumpers up, dropped the lights, turned on the disco music, we filled them full of sugar, and insanity ensued.  Bowling turned into less of knocking down the pins, and more into who could roll the ball in the funniest way or hit the bumpers the most.


The Alley also has video games and indoor go-carts.  We piled into the carts for a race with all Max’s birthday buddies and off we went!  Max was really upset that we were in 3rd place so Dada spun Isaac’s mom out and passed Kellen’s mom on the straight away before lapping Liam’s dad before the pits.  This made Max happy…and Dada too.


He got exactly what he wanted for his birthday and slept like a hibernating bear that afternoon before partying with all grandparents, parents and Uncle Mark that night.  Pretty epic Sunday!


DAY 4 (Monday) It was back to reality as Kate and I had to work and Max and Dodge went to school.  However, he was crowned the Birthday Boy at school by his classmates and surprised with cupcakes, songs, and birthday games.  Its good to be king!  He told me all about it at the dinner table that night where we played his new Star Wars board game.


DAY 5 (Tuesday) The actual day.  Today.  Max is finally 5…and with everything we’ve done leading up to today we sheepishly let the day begin like any other as if nothing were going on.  Per tradition, I told Max the story of his birth the night before (which is a very different story than what we tell adults or doctors).  The short story is, it was the day Mommy and Daddy met Max in person for the first time and we became a family.  There are songs, there are cuddles, there are hugs, and I get teary every time…I’m just an old softy who blubbers anytime I think about how lucky I am to be “dad” to these boys.

Dammit!  Tearing up now!  Keep it together Ryan.

Tonight I will leave work early, Dodge will stay home with a sitter, and Kate and I will take Max to the movie theater.  He won’t know what we are going to see but he’ll figure it out pretty fast.  Max is going to see Star Wars: The Force Awakens.  I can only assume this will be greeted with the same happy dance he did on Friday.  He has watched all 6 previous movies and in my opinion proved he’s a real fan when he explained that Hoth was his favorite planet and therefore Empire Strikes Back was the best movie.  He also leaned over to me during Revenge of the Sith and said, “There’s a lot of these love scenes and not a lot of action.”  Agreed Mr. Max…agreed.  This is how Hayden Christensen’s acting career fizzled out…Jumper just sealed the deal.  Anyhow, Max is a superfan of Star Wars and honestly with as much marketing and merchandising as Disney has done I don’t know what kid isn’t?  Seriously…kudos Disney.  Almost EVERY gift Max got this year was Star Wars themed.  Even the birthday cards.  He even got a Darth Vader costume and lightsabers.


…and that’s how you do 5 days of birthday celebration for a kid turning 5.  All that’s left to do is measure how tall he is (he’s a giant) and listen to him ask how many days till he turns 6.  Easy buddy…enjoy 5 first, 6 will be here before you know it.  Real school, more independence, more rules, and your brother hopefully emerging from the terrible three’s.  Oh please let Dodge emerge.  Max is proof they do.

Cheers!  Here’s to another year!

Did you enjoy this post? If so please “like” it, share it, add a comment, and subscribe via email or RSS if you haven’t already at Thanks for reading!

Back To School

17 Aug

While putting in 10-14 hour days at the office isn’t my definition of a “fun time,” I do appreciate the fact that it is a change of scenery that affords me perspective on family, parenthood, and my children (2 and 4) I might not get if I were home all day with the boys.  My wife Kate, however, spent the summer home with them…and we agree they are gremlins.  Adorable, sweet, loving, terrifying gremlins.  They have grown up so much and are sooooo sweet!  But don’t turn your back on them…they’ll eat you alive and they always travel as a pair.  I’m not sure if we fed them after midnight, maybe they were exposed to bright lights, and we definitely got them wet since we spent the summer at the pool…but whatever mogwai was left in them has turned to full-on terrifying gremlin as they decimate the small town of Kingston Falls that is Kate’s and my sanity.

We have looked forward to today for a while, Kate more than me.  Today is the first day of school!  For both the boys and Kate.  Everyone is out of the house!!!  We took those gremlins to get haircuts yesterday, bought them school supplies, drenched them in soap, polished them up and…tada!  Cute little boys again!  So please, help me congratulate my wife Kate…she survived the summer and didn’t go crazy despite the constant barrage of…

“Ma! Mama! Ma! Mama! Maaaaaa! Mamaaaaa! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Maaaaaaaaa…!”


“Watch me!”


School’s back bitches…and I know one Mama who’s stoked to be back at the head of a college classroom.


Dodge & Max heading to their first day of school, Fall 2015

Did you enjoy this post? If so please “like” it, share it, add a comment, and subscribe via email or RSS if you haven’t already at Thanks for reading!

Turning 4 Years Old

26 Jan

birthday4Since about late August Max has asked almost every day when he will turn 4 years old.  “Is it today Dada?”  He asks in that sweet voice of his.  I reply, “No Max, today is Halloween.”  He nods in agreement, “Right Dada because my birthday is January 26 and today is Halloween which is…”  He leaves the sentence open-ended for me to finish, “October 31.”  “Right Dada…so January 26 is…?”  “3 months away.”  Max nods in agreement and starts counting on his fingers as if he’s calculating how much fuel Apollo 13 needed for a safe return trip to Earth…or as he calls it, “Urf.”

Thanksgiving came around and we again had to explain that his birthday was still 2 months away.  It was about this time that Max stopped referring to himself as a three-year old and starting calling himself “Almost 4.”  It reminded me of when my wife Kate and I moved to Wichita and would then travel.  People would ask where we were from and we’d reply, “Wichita, Kansas…but we just moved there from New York.”  It was our little qualifier (like Max’s) that the answer was more complicated than a single word.

Three?  No…oh no.  “Almost 4.”  “Almost Wichita.”

Max's Christmas Croup

Max spent Christmas in the E.R. with a bad case of croup that gave us all a scare.  Turned out a little steroids and some lollipops were all he needed to ask if his birthday was coming soon.  “Well Max,” I replied, “Today is Christmas and you have plenty of toys…I wouldn’t worry about presents for a while.”  Putting on his serious face he answered, “Well, Dada…today is December 25 and my birthday is January 26 so is next month January?”  It was a good question.  “Yes, next month is January.”  Max smiled.  “Almost 4.”

IMG_5124Since New Years it has been a daily part of our family routine to take Max to the calendar and show him how many days and/or weeks are left till his birthday.  He has asked his grandparents, his teachers, and even the servers when we dine out.  Turning 4 has consumed him.  Finally Kate and I asked, “Max what do you want to do for your birthday?”  There was no pregnant pause.  There was no air between our question and his answer.  Max had planned his fourth birthday down to the minute…and it was an exact repeat of his third birthday.  “I want to go to the airplane museum, play inside the airplane cockpits, eat cake and open presents in the big room, then we’ll go see the big airplanes inside, then we’ll go up to the control tower, and then we’ll go outside and race on the tarmac and the first one to touch the nose of the big airplane wins.”  This was very clear direction.  Kate replied, “Well, Max…that’s exactly what you did last year. Don’t you want to do something different?”  He did not.  Kate looked to me and shrugged.  I shrugged back.  Airplane museum ahoy!  Max was about to run off he turned and told us the 2 things he wanted different this year: (1) He wanted his friend Kellen to be there and (2) he wanted a “Dusty Crophopper Birthday Cake with pontoons (not wheels) when he’s painted red for Planes Fire and Rescue the movie.”  Kate and I nodded in amazement when Max added, “Strawberry…I want it to be strawberry inside.”  This was a three-year old kid (“Almost 4”) who knew what he wanted.

Birthday4_02We made the reservation at the Kansas Aviation Museum, Kate made the cake, I picked up snacks, and on Saturday Max orchestrated the repeat of last year’s birthday with a slight change of cake and a new friend.  His friend Edie showed up and I said, “Wow! Edie, you’ve gotten so tall! How old are you?”  Very matter-of-factly she replied, “Five and a half.”  That half was very important.  (“Almost 4”)  The kids had cake, played in the flight simulators, opened presents, and then Max said, “This is the part where we go to the control tower.”  So we went to the control tower.  The kids laughed and played while looking down at the planes on the tarmac as the adults marveled at the 360 degree views.  Then Max said, “This is the part where we go race on the tarmac!”  So we went down 4 flights of stairs to the tarmac where the kids ran back and forth racing while the adults mingled around a 747 with an open fuselage.  Then Max said, “This is when we go back inside to play!”  So we went back inside to play while one by one the guests said their goodbyes and went home till it was just family.  Then I said, “This is when we go home and take a nap!”  Turns out he forgot that part from last year.





Over the weekend Max played with his friends, was showered with affection from his grandparents, played with his little brother Dodge, and was adorned with love from Kate and I.  It was a fantastic birthday weekend…but today (Monday the 26th) is the actual day.  Max is enjoying snacks with his classmates right now that Kate made as they all sing him “Happy Birthday.”  Not too shabby.  For his birthday I got him two books, “The Gruffalo” and “The Gruffalo’s Child.”  They are his two favorite short films so I thought it would be fun to remind him that they were books first.

In hopes that someday this is all still out there online or in print…here is a birthday note to you Max:

Everyday you impress me and frustrate me.  The things that frustrate me are petty and my own issues to work through as a father.  The things that impress me are vast, seemingly more vast than what the normal four-year old comprehends.  You are sweet.  You are thoughtful and caring.  You think of others.  You are imaginative.  You are expressive.  You are so well spoken that I feel guilty when correcting you when you misuse past tenses in sentences, but I know you soak up this knowledge like a sponge.  You look like me…you look so much like me sometimes is scares me.  You wear your emotions on your sleeve (like me) which can sometimes lead to tantrums but more often than not is the birthplace of some of the sweetest things I’ve ever heard another human being say.  You are full of love.  You have so many questions and I love answering them…or trying to answer them.  You are growing into such an amazing little boy and as I celebrate your progress I can’t help but miss the past.  You were my little snuggly nugget…my “snugget.”  I remember the first time I held you, the first time you smiled, your first sounds, the first time you called me “Dada,” when you learned to do things on your own, and how much you have grown in just 4 years.  4 years!  Its happening so fast!  Yesterday you were crawling and today you gave me a high-five on your way out the door and said, “See you later dude!”  Thank you for being my son and teaching me how to be a dad.  Because of you I have found new perspective on life and discovered my place in the world.  Because of you I am able to be a father to your little brother Dodge and not repeat “mistakes” I may have made on you.  Because of you I feel a sense of accomplishment no matter what happens with my day, because if I get to be your and Dodge’s dad I know I’m doing something right.  Yesterday I tucked you both in to bed.  Per the current routine there was much snuggling, hugs, kisses, and your favorite: “Back scratchies!”  As I closed the door to your room (after ensuring there were no monsters under the bed) I spoke out load to myself and said, “I know I’m not perfect…but I think I’m pretty good at being a dad.”  That is thanks to you and Dodge making me feel loved, and me making sure you know how loved you are as well.  You’re my angel Max.  You’re my buddy.  You told me that even though I’m your Dada we could still be best friends…forever.  I agree.  I’ve got your back and you’ve got mine.  Happy Birthday sweetheart.  Only 365 days till you turn 5!  :)  Let’s slow down and enjoy 4, it only happens once.  I’ll love you forever, I’ll like you for always, as long as I’m living my baby you’ll be.



Did you enjoy this post? If so please “like” it, share it, add a comment, and subscribe via email or RSS if you haven’t already at Thanks for reading!

%d bloggers like this: