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Lice To The Max!

12 Feb

Max has lice.  Show of hands…who just got the creepy crawlies up their neck.  Yeah.  There are bug living in my 5-year old’s hair…and laying eggs.  When you put it like that, it’s friggin disgusting.  However, according to the CDC “an estimated 6 million to 12 million infestations occur each year in the United States among children 3 to 11 years of age.”  That means, and this is my own stupid math, about 25% of kids under the age of 10 will get lice…or 1 in 4 kids if you prefer to think of it that way.  Max has come home from school before with that note telling parents that someone at school has lice and we should take precautions.  Well…today, that’s my kid.  Your kid gets the note because my kid has the bugs!

Great.

Lice CombInstead of going to work, my wife and I got to get that weird lice shampoo and a lice comb from the pharmacy and got to work preening him.  I made the executive decision we were buzzing Max’s head.  He had been intentionally growing it out and it looked cool…but it smelled since he hates to wash his hair and we battle him on it every night at bath time or when I make him shower with me.  He said he didn’t want to do it and so I backed off.  Its his hair.  His hair with tiny bugs crawling along his scalp and laying eggs.  Gah!!!  Creepy crawlies for me.  Lice has nothing to do with being dirty, having unclean hair, or coming from an unclean home so I actually congratulated him for having such clean hair that the lice wanted to make it their home.  Then I asked him if he wanted them to stay for a while, get itchier, and not be able to go to activities -OR- buzz his head and make them move out much faster.  He thought about this long and hard.  He was leaning towards the buzz cut but he hates clippers.

You’ll look like Isaac.” Said Kate, referring to one of his best friends.

Buzz it!” Max said, and I did.

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Now he looks older than he did before and considerably more Midwestern.  This is Kansas, where the buzz cut still roams freely among the prairie unaffected by the styles & trends of major cities.  Seriously Kansas, I’ve lived here 7 years and I’m getting fed up with the buzz cuts and brown shoes.  Spice it up a bit!

Lice_0Kate volunteered to stay home with the boys so I could go to work.  I went about my morning and dammit if I couldn’t stop scratching my head and checking the mirror.  Ghost lice.  Are you itching right now?  Imagining those tiny dirt-like bugs crawling along your scalp?  Laying those white eggs that stick to your hair?  Itching.  Scratching.  But most of all…the feeling that something is MOVING along your scalp!!!  Yeah, you’ re welcome.

All hair from the buzz cut was contained and is getting tossed.  All sheets, stuffed animals, clothes, etc. are getting washed in hot water.  Everything is getting vacuumed.  Dodge (my 2-year old) is getting the lice shampoo as well.  So is Kate.  So am I.  My mom, dad and I survived my sister having lice for weeks when I was little…Kate, dodge and I will survive this as well.  Lice only live for 1-2 days after falling off a person’s head…so we can kick this thing over the weekend or so!  The list of things to avoid are:

  • Avoid head-to-head (hair-to-hair) contact during play and other activities
  • Do not share clothing such as hats, scarves, coats, sports uniforms, hair ribbons, or barrettes.
  • Do not share combs, brushes, or towels. Disinfest combs and brushes used by an infested person by soaking them in hot water (at least 130°F) for 5–10 minutes.
  • Do not lie on beds, couches, pillows, carpets, or stuffed animals that have recently been in contact with an infested person.
  • Machine wash and dry clothing, bed linens, and other items that an infested person wore or used during the 2 days before treatment using the hot water (130°F) laundry cycle and the high heat drying cycle. Clothing and items that are not washable can be dry-cleaned OR sealed in a plastic bag and stored for 2 weeks.
  • Vacuum the floor and furniture, particularly where the infested person sat or lay. However, spending much time and money on housecleaning activities is not necessary to avoid reinfestation by lice or nits that may have fallen off the head or crawled onto furniture or clothing.
  • Do not use fumigant sprays or fogs; they are not necessary to control head lice and can be toxic if inhaled or absorbed through the skin.

What has me worried is Max took a nap in my bed the other day.  Getting the creepy crawlies again.  Pleeeeeeease let this be confined to my son.  First sign of itching I’m shaving my head…like, bald shaving.  Its just hair…it’ll grow back.  I’m buzzing Dodge tonight too I think.  Kate does not want a buzz.  I have brown shoes…at last I’ll finally fit in out here in the Midwest…

…and it’s all thanks to lice!

Special lice shampoo & Max's new buzz cut

Special lice shampoo & Max’s new buzz cut

Dodge getting lice shampoo...just in case.

Dodge getting lice shampoo…just in case.

Dealing with lice in your home?  Here are some helpful links:

lice-penny

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So Long Gluten: A Call For Recipes & Recommendations

24 Sep

After countless labs, blood tests, diet restrictions, and research over the past month I have learned a great deal about my biochemistry, my body’s ability to process nutrients, and my food sensitivities.  Today’s post is simply the tip of the iceberg as I can’t wait to share my entire experience, which will cover over a year’s worth of personal exploration and research in bettering my life through nutrition, exercise, and lifestyle adjustments.  In the meantime, I’d like to share one snippet of the journey and ask for your participation:

CxL-R2OAThis morning I found out that I need to become gluten-free (among other life changes).  I will get into the details as to why when I recap this whole experience…but for now I need your help, my wonderful constant readers, by submitting your recipes, snacks, and beverages that are gluten-free.  I am asking for your help to better myself.  I’m hungry, for food and knowledge.

Below is a simple form to fill out and submit your recipes, snacks I can bring to the office, drinks I can have at the bar, etc.  Know a place that has gluten-free options when I eat out in Wichita?  Tell me.  Know ways to avoid gluten when on the road?  Tell me.  National chains that have gluten-free options?  I’d love to know.  As you submit recipes, recommendations, and ideas please keep in mind that I need to avoid these following foods as well:

  • White Wheat Flour (obviously)
  • Whole Wheat
  • High Fructose Corn Syrup
  • Rice (all forms)
  • Hops & Yeast
  • Soybeans
  • Cantaloupe
  • White Potato (can have in small doses)

So…tell me your recipes, recommendations, and ideas.  I’ll try them out and then publish some of them here with your name credited.  Your help and participation in this is greatly appreciated…you are helping save my life.  So…thank you.

wheat-proteome

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Chapters Of My Life

1 Sep

Ryan W. Gates DudegrassI just realized…I’m in a chapter of my life.  I know that sounds stupid, or maybe I just think it sounds stupid, but it is true…I think I just woke up from a fog and realized where I am.  Of course we are all in chapters of our lives, but some chapters are more fun to read than others.  Some chapters are character development.  Some chapters are full of adventure!  Some chapters are boring.  Some chapters are just bridges to other chapters.  Some chapters are sad.  Some chapters don’t make much sense…but they are all in the damn book.

Don’t ask what set this train of thought in motion because I’m not entirely sure and I don’t know if it really matters.  What I do know is, the chapters of my past have been extremes.  I’ve lived in 7 cities in my lifetime and have worked as a busboy, a model, an actor, a film producer, a TV writer, a social media strategist, a restaurateur, a consultant, a marketer, and more.  I’ve been engaged twice and married once.  I have two small children who won’t leave me alone and I have lived alone without electricity and wondered what it would be like to not be alone.  I’ve shouted from mountaintops, gone scuba diving in the Caribbean, ridden elephants in Thailand, skied The Plunge in Telluride, seen icebergs in Newfoundland, played golf in Ireland, eaten tafelspitz in Budapest, raced streetcars in Puerto Rico, climbed a glacier, totaled a car, flipped a motorcycle, spent the night in jail, made friends, lost friends, laughed so hard I cried, and cried so hard I laughed.  My life has been pretty rapid-fire!

Now I wear khakis.

So what?  So I used to wear shorts and tennis shoes.  So I used to wake up when I wanted to.  So things used to be different.  So Long Freedom?  So long old chapters in my life.  I don’t know what the next chapter of my life will be but I know this, there will be another chapter.  How do I know?  Because every chapter prior to now has ended…and this one will end too.  Maybe adventure lies ahead!  Maybe more khakis but with a higher waistline and ergonomic underwear?  Who knows?  However, when I was in all those adventurous chapters I didn’t know I was in a chapter of my life…I was just living.  Sometimes I think this chapter of my life sucks.  Sometimes I can’t believe how lucky I am and love this chapter of my life.  All I know is I’ll look back someday and recognize this time period as a chapter…and I sense things are transitioning.

Maybe its the sleep.  I finally slept well for the first time in 3 years.  I’ve been sleeping well for 4 nights in a row now.  More to come on that soon.  Maybe its nothing.  Maybe its everything.  This may be one of the odder posts I’ve written in a while.  Yeah, what are we talking about?  When I used to write comedy for TV I always said the best way to end a non sequitur was to cut it off oddly and leave the audience confused as to what just happened.

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The Secret To My Marriage

26 Aug

377_44793293834_3508_nI honestly believe my relationship with my wife is special.  Not the kind of special people think of when they say, “You guys are such a fun couple.”  Not the kind of special where we’re a “Match Made in Heaven.”  Not the kind of special that can be defined through grand gestures on anniversaries and times of accomplishment.  I honestly believe my relationship with my wife is special, stronger, and healthier because of the small gestures on a daily basis which are born from how we see each other.  We don’t just have that indescribable thing that makes us click…we have open dialogue and mutual understanding of each other.  I have been thinking about this because recently I have been asked by a number of people how my marriage is holding up due to my new responsibilities at work.  I spend 10-12 hours a day at the office for about a 60 hour work week.  In my spare time I am an owner and Managing Partner of a 288 capacity restaurant and entertainment venue.  In my spare time I am also the co-founder of a non-profit arts organization which requires weekly duties to manage, promote, and provide upkeep.  I recently resigned from a board of directors to open up my schedule so I could spend more time with my family.  I still sit on the board for a health clinic that provides services to the public regardless of their ability to pay and I sit on a community board for my city’s downtown development.  I am a very active guy…and my wife is no slouch.  Aside from being a full-time mom she teaches 3 days a week at the college level, is the CEO and co-founder of our national arts organization which requires her attention on a daily basis 7 days a week, is the president of the board for one of the local museums, is a full-time painter who has just been selected into another publication, and is an organizer on so many committees for our community I can’t keep track.  We are a busy couple!

So…how is the relationship doing?

Fine.  I won’t sit here and lie, saying “it’s never been better.”  That’s not true, entirely.  Marriage was much easier when we were in our 20’s, had no kids, worked from home, and were still in the “honeymoon phase.”  I had more hair and less belly, we argued over things like where to go out to eat, and at night we cuddled up and laughed about how good our lives were.  Now?  Most of the time we spend together is putting the kids to sleep, working on our arts organization late at night, relaxing watching TV, or sleeping next to each other which I call “farting next to Kate with my eyes closed.”  Marriage is harder now.  Marriage can be work, and that’s okay.

Look, we all know that wedding vow:  “For better or for worse.”  We’ve heard it, we’ve said it, but have we really thought about what “for worse” means?  When Kate wanted to move to California for Grad School we gave up our lives in New York, left our jobs behind, and found a way to make it work financially…that’s an easy “worse” to do.  I got really sick after our wedding and we missed our honeymoon due to a surgery I needed, but that kind of “worse” is easy to get through and survive because it has a palpable end.  My panic attack 3 years ago and going through counseling to get through agoraphobia and rejoin the world was much tougher “worse” to get through, but we did…in fact it brought us closer together.  Those are the big “worse” type things that happen to people.  Shit happens.  Life happens.  “Would you still love me if both my arms fell off and I could only talk like a duck?”  Yes…yes I’d still love you.

The real “worse” that challenges a relationship is when someone annoys you.  I’m annoying…Kate puts up with it.  She’s annoying…I’m not as good at putting up with it but that’s because I’m really annoying.  Here’s what brought me to this post:  I fill out a ton of paperwork for medical things, financials, contracts, etc.  Every form there is a section for my “spouse” or “emergency contact.”  That is always Kate.  Every time there is another field that asks me what her relation to me is and I always write the same thing:  “Wife/Best Friend.”  That sums it up right there.  She is not just my wife, she is my best friend.  Think about your best friend.  Have you ever gone a long period without talking?  Have you fought about stupid stuff?  Have you had adventures so silly you cry laughing telling stories.  Do they know your secrets?  Do you know theirs?  That’s a best friend.  That should be your spouse.

Some days I love Kate so much my cheeks hurt from smiling.  Some days I imagine what life would be like if she fell off a bridge.  Some days we hold hands.  Some days we don’t.  Some days we talk for hours.  Some days we just say a cordial “hi” and “bye.”  Some days she feels like my soulmate.  Some days she feels like my roommate.  Some days I can’t wait to crawl into bed and tell her all about my day and hear about hers.  Some days I can’t wait to crawl into bed and just turn off the light.  Everyday I love her and know she loves me too…but I’m aware that love is different from affection, and I respect the ebb and flow of emotions it requires to be in a long-term monogamous relationship with a person.  It requires a foundation of trust and honesty.  It requires the ability to go with the punches and evolve.  It requires the ability to look forward, not back.  It requires a friend…a best friend.

My marriage is not perfect, but I don’t believe in perfection.  My marriage is special.  I’m married to a special person.  She gets me.  I get her.  Sometimes we loathe each other.  Most times we love each other.  She is my wife, my best friend, my co-parent, my partner in business; life; adventure; and hardship.  Sometimes she is everything to me.  Sometimes she is part of everything.  I’ve watched so many marriages break up over the past decade for so many reasons, but primarily its been from lack of best friendship.  Guess how many of my gay friends’ marriages I’ve seen break up?  Zero.  I think it’s because their courtships were built on friendship and mutual respect without a legal option to marry…yet straight folks still insist on revoking their rights when they seem to be the most fit to be married and stay in a healthy relationship for life.  That’s a different conversation for a different time.  However, sometimes I literally have to picture Kate like my male friends and take the attraction out of it…and ask myself what my best friend needs…or what I need from my best friend…and is it realistic?

So to answer everyone’s question about how my marriage is doing now that I’m so busy, it is moving forward and evolving as it always does.  We renew our wedding vows every year, because life throws some curveballs at you and you gotta adapt and keep on truckin.  I respect Kate.  I appreciate her as an individual, as well as my partner, as well as a member of a family unit, and as well as a member of society.  I hold her to the same standards I hold myself to, and expect that she do the same for me.  Quite simply, I love her.  I love her more than anyone will ever know.  She is the only one who comes close to understanding how much I love her.  I also like her.  I like her a lot.  She also drives me batshit…so I leave the toilet seat up every now and then and don’t replace the soap bar in the shower.

Kate is my best friend.  She is also my wife.  That’s the secret to my marriage, and my marriage is special.

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Bachelordom: Day 4, the Finale

7 Aug

bach·e·lor (băch′ə-lər, băch′lər)
n.
1. A man who has never been married.
2. A person who has completed the undergraduate curriculum of a college or university and holds a bachelor’s degree.
3. A male animal that does not mate during the breeding season.
4. A young knight in the service of another knight in feudal times.

lonewolfYesterday was Day 4 of being an honorary bachelor while my family was out of town.  I finally had a good night’s sleep and awoke feeling conflicted.  On one hand I was so excited to see my family while on the other hand…I was sad to know my days of bacheloring around were over.  I finally ate that lone hard-boiled egg in the fridge and a Tupperware container full of potatoes.  Guess the fridge wasn’t bare after all.  Uneventfully, I went to work where I defiantly ate a burrito with everything on it for lunch…one last bachelor meal that my stomach would regret.

So long bachelor meals…so long.

My wife and I checked in as she made the 8 hour drive back with the kids.  With her in the home stretch, just a few minutes away, I sat down in the back yard with a Whiskey and a cigar to watch the sunset one last time…like Brad Pitt in “Interview with the Vampire,” but with much less hair and no Lestat looming over my shoulder.

So long doing what I want when I want…so long.

wolf-7That night I read to the boys and cuddled them in my arms for the first time in nearly a week.  It was so good to have them home.  They showered me with kisses as they hugged me as hard and told me all about their adventures on the farm in Iowa.  They fell asleep hard & fast, happy to be home in their own beds.  Downstairs, Kate shucked Iowa sweet corn that had been on stalks the day before at her family’s farm – it doesn’t get much fresher than that.  We feasted, played a drinking game while watching the GOP Debate, and teared up watching Jon Stewart’s final night hosting The Daily Show.  Kate cuddled up to me on the couch and I recoiled a little in surprise.  “Are you okay?” she asked.  I wasn’t used to having someone to cuddle with.  I replied, “You can’t expect me to be so easily domesticated after leaving me in the wild for so long.”  Kate ignored this comment and exclaimed, “No one left you in the wild you big baby.”  She cuddled in.  My home was full of love and affection again.

So long TV at full volume on a school night…so long.

As I turned off the lights I remembered there were two sweet little boys sleeping in beds…not just an empty room I walked past en route to Sad Town, USA.  I tucked them in one last time and kissed their foreheads as they slept.  They breathed heavily as they slept and my mind was at ease.  I climbed into bed and found my missing puzzle piece waiting for me with open arms, I was engulfed in the arms of loving affection from my best friend.  Kate planted a kiss on my lips and then earnestly asked me, “Are you eating beef jerky?”

I was.

It helped cancel out my beer breath.

I also had malted milk balls.

I jogged to the bathroom to brush my teeth.  I had to come back from the wild and was remembering how to be part of the pack.  ArooooOOOoooo!  I know it was only 4 days but I came to love my time alone.  It reminded me of why I started this site in the first place…to document my transition into my 30’s, corporate America, parenthood, and responsibility.  So much change all at once and it came rushing back in just 4 short days.  I remembered what it was like to be the lone wolf, and it was lovely.  Odd…I was so scared of it leading up to the week.  I had so much anxiety asking myself how I’d fill my time during these 4 days.  What would I do when I was left alone with…with…with…myself?!  The answer?  Eat beef jerky and malted milk balls with beer on the couch while watching TV at full volume in my underwear whenever the heck I want…dammit.

So long bacherlordom…so long.

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And now, the end is near; and so I face the final curtain.  My friend, I’ll say it clear, I’ll state my case, of which I’m certain.  I’ve lived a life that’s full.  I’ve traveled each and every highway; and more, much more than this, I did it my way.

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