Max’s First Haircut at a Salon

IMG_1712This weekend my wife Kate and I debated if we should scar our 3 year-old son Max for life (again) by pinning him down in the bathroom while cutting his hair.  In the past, Max has screamed as if each hair were actually a finger we were prying from his body in a Gestapo prison.  I have had success with singing while snipping, letting Max hold his own pair of (kid-safe) scissors, putting on the TV, and various distractions.  It is important to note that the act of washing Max’s hair also elicits screams of terror which is why he gives me constant stink-eye around bath time.  This aversion to washing his hair, which we let grow way too long, combined with his near halitosis breath means Max often smells like the southern end of a wet dog with hemorrhoids.  He has become a very stinky boy.  Recently he and his baby brother were playing near Grandpa who commented that Dodge (still in diapers) may have gone poo poo.  We checked…no poop.  No, that smell Grandpa swore was human feces turned out to be the smell of Max’s hair and breath.  Ahhhhh yes…I have the stinky kid.

thURD8JVTLMax is great about brushing his teeth, he loves to do it actually.  His breath just smells like…well, honestly…it smells like he just ate dog poo.  Like, JUST ate dog poo.  Like he went out in the yard, scooped up the poo, ate it, walked inside, then crawled into your lap to give you a kiss.  Sometimes we check to see if he did eat poo.  We don’t have a dog…is he eating the neighbor’s dog’s poo?  Yikes!  There’s an awkward conversation at the block party ice cream social next year.  Maybe we could offer it as a service?  I see the dog poop scooper vans all the time…we could just drop Max off for an afternoon in your backyard and leave him some ketchup for dipping.


Anywho.  The poonanigans continue with his hair which also has a canine feces aroma, most likely from his breath wafting into this sweaty mop of hair where it gathers, percolates, and then rots.  Kate and I were so sick of arguing about cutting his hair that we just let it grow out…and it was super cute!  He has awesome curls!  However, there was the stink.  I wanted to buzz him down but Kate refused to let him have the quintessential Midwestern haircut.  I now know why every kid in his class has a buzzcut…so much easier and less stinky!  So his hair kept growing and got even cuter and stinkier.  So we let it grow and then all of a sudden it was flat and stinky.  No bueno.  Now Max looked like one of the Beatles and smelled like a Beagle.

Haircut time!

Did I cut it?  No.  Did Kate cut it?  No.  Did we happily pay someone $15 to cut his hair at one of those kid cut places?  You bet your ass we did!!!  So, Max got his first big-kid haircut and the crying was minimal.  She did a fine job on the rockabilly cut I normally would give, Max only cried a little, and now Max can’t give me the stink-eye..because I didn’t cut his hair.  It wasn’t me kid!


In all honesty things went great, Max sat in the airplane for his haircut, Dodge played in the salon’s toy room, and Max got a chocolate ice cream cone after for behaving so well.  He looks good, he smells great, and after brushing his teeth I was ready for tackles and kisses.



The moral of the story is that yes, there are some things you can do at home for free to save a few bucks when it comes to parenting. However, $15 for someone else to handle the crappy part?  Sign me up!


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