While I cannot say that my anxiety has gone away…it certainly seems to have gone on holiday. I have not wanted to talk about it, write about it, anything about it since I started noticing that I was feeling good since superstitious me presumes that by saying “I feel good,” I will then immediately feel bad. So…just to test the water of superstition I am quickly going to say publicly that I feel good…and we’ll see what happens from there. I still get anxious about certain things but the feeling of fear inside of me seems to suddenly come from a logical place. I think it makes sense. Actually, I think it is going to make sense when I look back on this time. After last year I thought things would never be the same and that I would spend the rest of my life living with anxiety and depression. I just wanted to feel “normal again,” like everyone else. Now I think I am figuring out that I have had anxiety all my life and my panic attack last year was just a bad day that rattled me to my core. It was a lifetime of things boiling over…the culmination of feelings from the past few years. I don’t know. All I know is for the past two months I have not been going to therapy and the world has not fallen apart. For the past few weeks I still feel occasionally anxious, but I feel like it is connected to something and I have this feeling that things will be better. Before, I wanted things to be better but didn’t believe they ever would.
This week my wife Kate sent me a link to a blog I haven’t read in a long time and it made me feel so fantastic all over. The site is called “Hyperbole and a Half” and the post is “Depression Part Two.” Allie Brosh’s posts are phenomenal. She uses her computer’s rudimentary “Paint” program to draw hilarious depictions of serious topics and writes from the heart. Depression comes with anxiety and so it was with arms raised in the air that I read Allie’s post as if she had written this for me. I think millions of people felt that way when they read her post…I just love that it came to me by way of my wife, because it was like Kate was saying “I get it now.” We talk about life, depression, anxiety, fears, and so on with each other quite often. This post…it just cut through and presented life as what it is for me at times. Hilarious nothingness.
So today I would like to encourage my readers to head on over to Hyperbole and a Half to read about depression, and make sure you browse her site for fantastic entertainment and awesome items in the store that help support bloggers like us make a living. Hopefully you will laugh as much as I did. If it makes you sad, that’s okay too. Life is funny and sad.
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