The final countdown has begun…we will be having a baby in three days or less. While inducing was never our hope with this pregnancy it has become the right option for baby’s health (which is currently fine). Plain and simple, the baby (a.k.a. “Zag”) has run out of space and if he grows much more he’ll be at risk.
I am more conflicted today than I have ever been with any other pregnancy and parenting decisions over the past three years. With Max (who was two weeks late) inducing seemed like the right idea, though 20/20 hindsight he could have cooked a little longer. The induction, however, was a disaster and that falls entirely on the shoulders of our OB and the practice she works for. I put the bad elements of the birth behind me celebrating my happy, healthy baby boy! However, I wasn’t the one giving birth and I knew Kate would have a harder time…which she did. Plain and simple we got bullied. Pregnancy and birth (from my observation) is a seesaw of feeling like you are losing control of your body and then learning to trust your body. Women’s bodies know how to make and deliver babies – giving over to that trust requires trusting yourself. My wife Kate is amazing and she’s a bad-ass, not the kind of bad-ass that’ll deliver a swift roundhouse kick to your head and become a nighttime vigilante…no. She’s the kind of bad-ass who represents why women are amazing by showing that she is powerful, gentle, smart, forgiving, and can do anything better than you and make you feel like you taught her (she knew it all along). She is a goddess. That said, last birth she learned to trust her body early on and even during the pitocin-induced labor it was clear who was in control: Kate. Then, the OB pulled the pitocin, took control without cause, and ordered an unnecessary C-Section. Kate lost her control and trust.
Two years later a few words that spur those feelings of broken trust and loss of control were said today, “induce” and “pitocin.” We did a sonogram today and the baby was fine. Happy heart beat, good blood flow, practicing breathing, and calm. However, without getting into details the baby is out of room. So we are scheduled for an induction early Thursday morning which is why I’m conflicted. On one hand I am relieved to have an end date because all this waiting can drive a guy nuts! On the other hand I don’t ever want to see my wife robbed of her self-trust and for her to feel she has no control over her body and the amazing things it can do. She can make babies, birth them, produce food for them, release pheromones for bonding, and has an automatic heat shutoff built-in for when babies nap on her chest! All my body can do is sweat and convert tacos to farts…which I’m quite good at thank you very much!
Kate was the one comforting me today when I welled up at the doc’s. I told her about how I wanted her to have a birth she looked back on with good memories…a place of power. She assured me that the team we have tending to us this time around understands that and the sentiment has been backed up by our midwife, her assistant, and our doula. I just want to hold the little guy in my arms, I want Kate to have a happy birth, and I want my wife to be healthy as well. I’m ready…which is odd considering how this year has been fraught with peaks and valleys of learning to cope with anxiety. I don’t feel anxious about this. Well, let me reword that…I don’t feel inappropriately anxious about this. Anxiety from nowhere is scary…anxiety from somewhere is expected. So I feel appropriately anxious but not overwhelmed about having a baby.
- Wichita got 14.2 inches of snow on Thursday which is the most snowfall on record in almost three decades.
- Our house has been under construction and was slated to finish Thursday which obviously did not happen – instead the snow on the roof seeped into the exposed flashing sites on the eves ruining two of the three new windows recently installed. We now have fans running everywhere in the house.
- Wichita was not prepared for so much snow and the roads were finally cleared by Sunday when my basement began to take on water due to the fact that I have no gutters and all the snow is running down the side of my house as it melts and pooling in my window wells.
- Now that practically all of Wichita’s snow removal budget for the year has been used in the past storm, weather reports show a second front is going to hit today with accumulations between 10-15 inches.
- The streets (which were not properly plowed last storm) are soaking wet and the entire city will turn into an ice-skating rink when the temperature drops below freezing around this afternoon.
- It has just started snowing…hard…really hard!
- Today is a full moon…technically it is a “Full Snow Moon.”
Though the induction is scheduled for Thursday labor could start on its own any second and all signs say it could. Ladies and gentleman…the stage is set for a good story.
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