Toddler’s First Major Accident

Five Little Monkeys Jumping on a BedRight on cue with all the insanity going on in our lives…Max, my two-year-old, had his first major accident today as a result of his rambunctious non-stop bouncing off the walls.  Monday is the due date for our second baby boy, so my wife Kate and I have had nine months to ponder what our lives will be like with two little rascals running around the house, climbing on top of things, and careening into objects.  However, we didn’t expect Max to careen into the foot board of the guest bed today while construction workers finish the final phases of the remodel on the back of the house.

Five_Little_Monkeys_Jumping_on_the_Bed_3_757011342Everyone knows the story of “Five Little Monkeys Jumping On the Bed” right?  If you don’t (spoiler alert), “One falls off and bumps his head.  Mama called the doctor and the doctor said, No more monkeys jumping on the bed!”  This goes on with four little monkeys, then three, then two, and eventually the last one falls off and bumps its head too.  What does Mama do in the end?  She jumps on the bed!!!  So, what have we learned children?  Jumping on the bed is fine and bumping your head is normal…pay no attention to the NFL concussion conversations going on all year.  No!  At what point in real life does the doctor call Child Protective Services and say, “I just got my 5th call from a woman over on Banana Lane!”  Sure…they bumped their head lady.  Seriously…would you let your kids jump on the bed after one head bump that required a call to the doctor?  What about the second or third?

Max Black EyeMax was jumping on the bed today and he fell off and bumped his head…hard.  Kate said it was the worst sound she had ever heard!  She called the doctor and the doctor said, “Keep an eye on his swelling and if it gets bad bring him in.”  Heeeeey!  That doesn’t rhyme!  I rushed home and confirmed…it is his worst “bonk” yet.  Black eye, cut eye lid, cut cheek, and some nice swelling.  Sure, boys will be boys…but now is that fun time where we get to take him out in public and other people get to place judgement on us about how we are bad parents.  People will think we’re the ones letting all the monkeys jump on the bed!  In all seriousness it is scary how quickly Max can climb up on top of something and how much his skills advance every day.  He gets in and out of the car all on his own, shoots basketballs like a pro, runs up and down the stairs, and apparently can now climb onto the very tell guest bed and fall face first into a foot-post.  We’ve locked every cabinet with dangerous items and he doesn’t even come close to it.  He has never lifted the toilet seat and looked inside.  He waits to climb the stairs so you are there with him.  How do you Max-proof everything?

You don’t.  This is what happens when little boys start to grow up…and I’m going to have another one any day now.  What have I done?  What have I done?!!!

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