What To Name The Baby?

name-tagAs with Max, our two-year-old son, my wife Kate and I don’t reveal the name of the baby to anyone till after he’s born.  With less than a week to go we have narrowed down the list of potential names for our son-to-be to a few top contenders…but we will wait to meet the little guy before we dub him with a lifelong name in lieu of his moniker, “Zag.”  Back in august of 2010 I posted “Naming the Boy” which talks about why we don’t reveal the name before the baby is born.  Namely (pun intended) it’s because if you tell someone a potential name before the baby is born…they give their opinion and automatically weigh in on a decision process they are not a part of.  VS.  Tell them the baby’s name after the baby is born and that is the baby’s name and that’s the end of that.  If I said, “We’re thinking of calling him Freddy.”  Someone might say, “Freddy is a terrible name…kids will call him Freddy Bed Wetty.”  Or the ever popular, “I knew a Freddy growing up…what a jerk.”  That isn’t helpful and since everyone we know wants to play this game with us we just set the rules so Kate and I are the only ones playing.  If the baby was born today we could say, “This is our child Fartbreath Freddy Van Bedwetter!”  And you’d go, “Oh.”  Now I have no intention of naming my child Fartbreath Freddy Van Bedwetter (seriously…Freddy?) but the point is it would be his name, decision final, and life goes on.  Here are some of the name advice giving people we’ve encountered…which one are you?

  1. THE WRONG Jr. will suggest you name the baby after them.
  2. THE CRITIC will tell you why the name you have picked out is stupid.
  3. THE RHYMER tells you all the stuff your baby’s name rhymes with. (Freddy Bed Wetty)
  4. THE BABY-BOOKER tells you the top 10 most popular names currently.
  5. THE HOLLYWOODER thinks of names like “Apple” to suggest to you.
  6. THE HISTORIAN suggests old family names William, Bill, and Billiam.
  7. THE WORDSMITH makes up names by combining two words like “Van Zighouse Gates.”
  8. THE JOKESTER constantly suggests names that are unrealistic and pertain more to you than a baby.
  9. THE JOHN JACOB JINGLE HEIMER SCHMIDT wants you to name it the same as you.
  10. THE BIBLICAL J. only thinks of John, Joseph, and James as real names.
  11. THE MONOGRAMER obsesses over the baby’s initials and what it spells.
  12. THE VERB GUY suggests verbs as names like “Frolic.”
  13. THE PAT suggests names that could be a girl…could be a boy.
  14. THE POIGNANT suggests only single syllable names.
  15. THE NICKNAMER tells you what your baby’s nickname will be.

CarlHall_WSUMax’s full name is Maxwell Vincent Gates and he is named for my maternal great-grandfather and Kate’s maternal grandfather.  His initials are MVG which we think should stand for “Most Valuable Gates.”  Many people call him “Maxi” to which I always reply, “His name is Max…Maxi is a pad.”  His nickname is “Smellwax” which is an anagram for “Maxwell’s.”  He has not gone by “Zag” since the day he was born and he is quite simply…a Max.  Since Max is such a vocal two-year-old I thought I’d ask him what he thought would be a good name for the baby.  He instantly replied, “The baby’s name is Carl Hall.”  Carl Hall is Max’s favorite basketball player for the Wichita State Shockers.  Hmmmm.  Carl Hall Gates.  Has a nice ring to it!  So without further ado, please feel free to comment on this post with your name suggestions whether they be jokes or for real and maybe we’ll use the name you suggest!

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5 thoughts on “What To Name The Baby?

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