The Joys Of Home Ownership

The window of doom.

When we bought our house last year it was a big step.  It shows you are planting roots in the ground…roots…funny that roots would be my issue now, we’ll get to that in a minute.  Here we are almost exactly 1 year from the anniversary of moving in and I think its official…we’re house poor!

Cue the fireworks!  Start up the band!  Send in the clowns!  Crush my dreams!  Release the balloons!  Tell it on the mountain!  Kick me in the balls!  Fire the confetti and roll out the red carpet!

Fixed leak in basement

When we bought the house last year we knew of 2 issues.  The first was a small amount of water in the unfinished basement (okay…that’s cool) and the kitchen window needed some repair (want not need).  Well there is nothing like a summer drought to f-up foundations and shift things buried in the earth!  The water in the basement thing was fine till we sprung a new leak and had to call in the professionals.  A few hundred dollars later we had a dry basement and all was well.  Check that off the list…now about that easy window fix…quoted at $10,000 to repair.  Oh.  As we are debating what to do a tornado hits Wichita and causes $17,000 of damage to our house…and no that doesn’t include our crumbling kitchen window.  So now we are working with the insurance agency, looking for contractors, etc. and the kitchen window crumbles…meaning?  Ants!  Yaaaaay!  Ants everywhere!  Termites!  Yaaaay!  Bugs, bugs, bugs.  My car craps out so of course we buy a new one.  New baby?  Yeah, those aren’t cheap.  Heatwave = high electricity and water bills.  Kate is teaching which means Max is back in day care.  Dr. bills, therapy bills, blah, blah, blah, blah…

A letter came in the mail from the City of Wichita with a picture of our where our sewer line attaches to the city’s.  The picture shows a big grey thing they say is a root we need to have removed.  So Mr. Rooter comes over and shoves his poop-scope down our sewer line and confirms there are roots.  No surprise…drought summer.  So tack on a few extra hundred bucks we weren’t prepared for and tada!  The root was what was holding up the pipe and now its collapsed and needs to be excavated.  “Oh by the way its 14 feet down (not 8) so it’ll cost more.  Between $3,000 – $4,000.  As a happy extra I’m not going to tighten your basement sewer main cap correctly so it floods your basement when you shower and you can find it this morning before you go to work.”  At least the good news is the excavation site will be in our neighbor’s yard?  We’ve never met them (backyard neighbors) but I’m sure poop-scooping their yard will be a great way to get to know them.  They’ve been working hard on their new garden which I’m 99% sure is directly over our pipe.  Fun!!!

My mortgage and utility bills are less than my old rent.  Yes.  My math was correct.  However, I’m handy enough to do handyman jobs…not replace sewer mains.  I can build a door, replace a step, program an alarm, fix most anything…but I’ve encountered ZERO of those except replacing light bulbs.

So long acupuncture!  So long gym membership!  So long haircuts!  So long babysitters!  So long HBO!  So long freedom.  Hello house.

HOME SWEET FUCKING HOME

The day we moved in back in 2011…was this picture some sort of sign? Is there a Native American burial ground under us?!!!
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