Small Child For Sale Or Trade*

Have a slightly used 1-year-old boy for sale or trade.*  He is about 14 months old, in near mint condition, long eye lashes, and runs great.  Was very happy for first few months and known for “great disposition.”  Needs a little work but would be a great buy for a family whose patience is not worn out.  Child is currently teething and has all molars coming in as well as a bad case of constipation.  Crying is very strong with occasional bouts of screaming, have found Tylenol and Advil work temporarily with a frozen teething ring.  Does not sleep well but prior to molars was sleeping through the night.  Mother and Father have reached the end of their rope and are emotionally exhausted.  Great project child.

PROS

  • Loves basketball
  • Eats well (when not constipated)
  • Cute
  • Long eyelashes
  • Sweet smile
  • Hugs
  • Adorable use of word “Dada”
  • Likes books
  • Good a drawing
  • Amazing bath time
  • Walks

CONS

  • Screams when teething
  • Low-grade fever
  • Clingy
  • Walking funny (constipated)
  • Afraid of vacuum
  • Aggressive with other kids
  • Attacks cat
  • Squirmy in morning
  • Spills cups easily
  • Hard time with the letter “S”
  • Drool
  • Stinky farts

ASKING PRICE

Willing to consider best offer or will trade for a good night’s sleep or the return of my sanity.*

CONTACT

Comment on this blog post.

LEGAL

*Child is not actually for sale and this entire posting is a joke.  Mother and father are very tired but would never consider selling or trading the child for anything.  Mother and father love the child very much, are doing everything to ease his pain and comfort him, and are very loving people.  The child’s needs are being met to the best of the parent’s ability.  Mother and father would not trade the child but would accept an offer from friends and family to take the child for a short period of time so mother and father could feel like people again.  It is illegal to sell children…seriously…I’m not selling my child.  Would consider trading for a unicorn or the K.C. Chiefs winning the Super Bowl.

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5 thoughts on “Small Child For Sale Or Trade*

  1. Stay focused on the Pros … it’ll get you thru the Cons! I’d currently trade my almost 5 year old with you. Maybe that’d be a good swap!

  2. Oh my gosh, this is the best post ever! Coming from a mother of a 13.5 month old that is getting his first year molars(or at least in pain for them) and is very constipated. Also beyond tired. This too shall pass!

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