As a boy I loved poking fun at my father as his hairline slowly receded. I’d stand over him while he sat at the dinner table and say “The peninsula is disconnecting from the mainland!” The fact that he let me do this is a testament to the patience my father had as well as a good sense of humor…two virtues I am a bit lacking in. Eventually the peninsula did disconnect from the mainland and become a lone island, separated from the hairline mainland by a channel of forehead, till one day only a grove of trees remained – emerging from the sea with no land in sight. My dad informed me that “payback would be a bitch.” That payback has begun.
While my hairline has certainly ebbed like a low tide, there are no islands or peninsulas to speak of yet. However, before my dad’s bangs did a swan-dive he underwent another hair-loss that was subject to much chiding. His eyebrows disappeared. I remember noticing one day that they had thinned down to the point where you could see right through them. Then, maybe a year later, they were all but gone. Today he’s probably got like 4 eyebrow hairs per brow! Where did they go?!!! More importantly, they were the tell that he was about to start losing his top hair and for the first time in my life I’m scared about my own. My eyebrows have gone out to sea.
This week I have grown a mustache as a joke…though truthfully I wear it well. It will only be here for a short period of time but while it is here it has caused me to look at my face in the morning and realize that I hardly have any eyebrows left! My left eyebrow has thinned down so much that all you can see is the scar I acquired as a boy when I was struck in the head with a baseball bat during tee-ball. My right one is equally thinned but not having a scar on that side actually causes it to look more bald. Both brows are only bushy towards the center though even that area has thinned down substantially. More noteable…I now see that while my hairline has not receded…the front has drastically thinned. The water level is going down!
Oh eyebrows, eyebrows, wherefore art thou eyebrows? Is this the beginning of the end? Is this the end of faux hawks and visors? Or, are my eyebrows falling out because of my tee-ball scar on the left and my old eyebrow piercing on the right? <sigh> Bring it on Dad…payback is a bitch.