Go The F**k To Sleep!

 

Max has hit a terrible pattern where he passes out early while we are out and about, like last night when he passed out in the 4th quarter of the basketball game…at Koch Arena…with 10,000 screaming fans.  How?  Anyways, he’ll fall asleep there but going to sleep once we are home has become a process that has left me feeling like I want to strangle the little f**ker.  Yes, f**k is the word of the post today, Pee Wee’s secret word if you like.  F**k.  Aptly so, our friend Heather gave us the book “Go The F**k To Sleep,” which all you parents out there know…is awesome.  Its a great book for the little one’s when they haven’t started parroting words yet and you need something to regain sanity.  Its like how your dog will wag his tail and go ballistic with happiness as long as you speak to him in that puppy, condescending, excited tone:

“You’re a stupid doggy aren’t you?  Aren’t you?!!!  You wanna go play fetch in the street?  Fetch in the street?  Oh such a stupid doggy!!!!  Stupid doggy!”

Max is not a dog, I know “f**k” is bad word, and I’ve read the articles by people against this book.  I say f**k em.  This is my generation’s little outlet of self indulgence while parenting.  Last generation voted that dude who hosted Blue’s Clues as the #1 most eligible bachelor in America!  We need things to make us feel human again because these babies can suck the humanity right out of us!  They push you to the brink of your sanity and then crack a pirate smile at you while saying “Daddy” and you are jerked right back into loving them…but evil lurks around the corner and my Max has figured out how to make Mommy and Daddy give him what he wants; Attention.

Every night its a 2 hour escapade to get him to sleep.  All day he clings so Mommy so much he might as well be an Ugg Boot.  Every morning I wake up to find he is sleeping in bed with us when Kate gives up with frustration on trying to get him back to sleep in the middle of the night.  I no longer see my wife at night, we’re like roommates with Max.  We all live together but I never see them.

This week we are going on vacation and I’m finally going to get to see my wife and son!  Then, we’re putting our feet down and gritting out some tough nights to get Max back on a better sleep schedule.  Time to show him who’s boss…us…okay, Mommy…but he doesn’t need to know Mommy is the boss of Daddy.  He has a lifetime to learn that one!

Max asleep at Koch Arena
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