Chiropractors and Colonoscopies


This morning Max woke me up by trying to crawl across me and slapping me directly in the fun-nuggets…he appologized by farting in my face.  Today I am 32 years old and I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.  My wife is my best friend, my son is adorably lovable, my work keeps me happily busy, and my life feels filled with goodness.  Sure I yen for things like a new car or less grey hairs in my beard…but that’s life in America.  Birthdays sure have changed quite a bit over the years for me:

When I was little all I ever wanted was to have one of those cookie cakes with Cookie Monster on it they sell pre-made at the grocery store, just add “Ryan” to the icing.  Having a July birthday sucked because I got no party during the school year, instead I got that lame day where all the summer birthday kids get 1 combined party with lemonade and animal crackers.  Summer birthdays are the red-headed stepchild of middle school birthdays for sure.  I had one birthday where I had a massive pool party and I got the Ghost Busters Projector Gun and Scanner…it was very exciting.  We did back flips into the pool while Weird Al Yankovic‘s cover of Nirvana‘s “Smells Like Teen Spirit” blasted in the background.

My 18th I went to NYC to see the new broadway show “Rent” and then got hammered at a drag club with my sister Lindsey.  21 I spent in Vegas and almost got married to my college sweetheart.  30 I drank my face off at my favorite bar (The Brass Ring) in Bolton.  Today…I’m 32…and my birthday week is a true sign of my age.  This morning I went to the chiropractor to have my back and neck adjusted after injuring them playing in the lake and carrying my son.  Tonight I have crazy plans on eating leftovers and renting a movie OnDemand.  Tomorrow I have to work from home and fast because I have a colonoscopy on Thursday!  Woohoo!!!  Friday I’m thinking I might get nuts and go to Harry Potter if we can get a baby sitter…I know right?  We’re wild.

Chiropractors and colonoscopies, when did I become this guy?  I’m not calling myself old…just lame.  I crave soup.  I have to watch my weight…and I’m not watching it well.  I have a child.  I know when to stop drinking.  I went to bed before 10pm last night.  I have dreams about what remodels I want to do to our apartment.  I criticize younger people and say things like “…back in my day…”  What does that mean?  When was my day and why was it my day and why isn’t today my day?

Back to work.  I have a lot of responsibilities today (and every day).  I’m happy…but old.  I quit smoking on March 19th 2007…maybe this year is the year I attack weight loss and muscle gain with the same vigor.  %^&*()IO  Sorry…dropped my maple donut with bacon crisps on the keyboard.

4 thoughts on “Chiropractors and Colonoscopies

  1. This is probably 1 of the top 5 favorite posts you’ve written on the blog. So many of us 30 somethings can relate. Jobs, kids, responsibilities – yet still feeling young enough to be hip. Why aren’t we?

  2. Cannot really remember my 32nd–had a five-year-old, a three-year -old and a one-year -old, and got shin splints from jogging, the first time “my body betrayed me” –oh, I guess that proves your point, doesn’t it! Have a happy!

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