For 9 months, January 11th has been this elusive date far off in the future. Our due date. 1/11/11. Status update? Same as last week. Its true doctors can predict around when babies will arrive but it’s really like a 5 week window. I’m not sure if due dates are a smart thing to put in the head of a mother-to-be…why not due months. Your baby should be delivered between January and February. The answer of course is the modernization of the birth process in medicine and how a routine procedure can sometimes be treated like a routine. Early? Late? Are they really either of those or are they right on time? More often than not I like to think babies and their mother’s bodies know when the time is right. Of course there are circumstances when being induced or having a surgery is required or safer. Doctors should have to add the word “maybe” to everything they say. Your due date is January 11th…maybe. You have syphilis…maybe.
Last night I got no sleep. Kate had contractions all day and has shown all the signs of “early labor.” Before everyone writes in and starts asking if we are heading to the hospital or asks how much longer…please know that early labor can last weeks and is the body’s way of preparing for “active labor.” Before bed she said, “something is different.” Then she toddled off to bed and that was the last time I slept. Both of us keep saying “we’ve probably got another week or so to go.” However, I would be lying if I said I wasn’t going crazy inside! Come out little man!
SPOILER ALERT: This post devolves into a rant with little direction, digs at Republicans, and judges Walmart. Read at your own risk.
We went to the doctor’s today to see how things were progressing (and they are) but we had an extra wait time as the doctor had to go to a delivery. Exciting! Unfortunately we spent our extra hour sitting across from a hilariously annoying couple. They decided to watch YouTube videos…at full volume…in an OBGYN waiting room…of machine gun testing…in an OBGYN waiting room…full volume…machine guns. Did I mention full volume? After a few of those they watched Spike TV’s 1,000 ways to die…in an OBGYN waiting room…at full volume…with other people around waiting quietly! I was getting ready to say something when they stopped. Phew. Then they tossed on Married With Children…at full volume…in an OBGYN waiting room…with kids around…machine guns…1,000 ways to die…Al Bundy. Just before I could strangle them Kate grabbed my arm and said “let’s go wait in the car for a few minutes.” We put our coats on and headed for the door…then I did something that almost made Kate pee her pants, got accolades from the staff, and had the rest of the waiting room chuckling. I leaned in front of the guy and loudly asked “would you like me to pick you up some headphones while I’m out?”
When we returned to the waiting room 20 minutes later they were still there but completely quiet. No machine guns. No Spike TV. No Bundy. Just a waiting room full of pregnant women, children, and a bunch of residents happy to see me. Seriously…people like this piss me off. These people are why shows like “1,000 ways to die” exist. These people are why the average attention span in America is declining. These people are why Walmart succeeded. These people are why Obama has to defend himself against accusations of being a terrorist. Sorry…had to throw in a little political stab there. These people. Why are these people always in hospital and doctor waiting rooms? Where were you at lunch? When I pumped gas? At the mall? During the Riverfest fireworks? Where? They just show up in waiting rooms armed with loud technology, unaware of their surroundings, hell-bent on lowering the bell curve of non-redneck around them. And now I’m ranting. Let’s stop there for today…maybe I’ll get some sleep tonight and have a happy post tomorrow.
Oh…and stop wearing pajamas to the OBGYN ladies when you are 2 months pregnant, you’re still going out in public. Show a little dignity. You are the people who wear pajamas on airplanes. It’s a plane. Not your bedroom. It’s a public place. People used to dress up to get on planes now they show up in Sponge Bob pajamas, unshowered hair, and Uggs. You know why they’re called Uggs? Ugh. That’s why…seriously though…its short for ugly. Not kidding. And don’t wear a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt to a Broadway play. Jeans maybe if the rest of the outfit is formal.