Throughout this pregnancy I have tried to read as much as I could to better prepare myself for what lies ahead. I’ve read tons of statistics and been quite proud that I don’t fall under the typical stereotypes. I am comfortable talking to my baby via the belly, I do not feel excluded, I am bonding with the baby before the birth, Kate and I are still very much in love, and we are having an extremely nice pregnancy. Then I read a stat that said most men think of their baby as a toddler and not an actual baby during pregnancy. “Not me,” I thought as I suddenly realized I was daydreaming about throwing baseballs with my son and teaching my daughter how to ride a bicycle. That was when it hit me! I’m having a little tiny baby. A tiny little blob of a person incapable of doing anything without the assistance of Kate or myself. Suddenly, everything in my world felt as if it were made of porcelain. The world in which I live in is not safe for a baby! There are so many corners, hard surfaces, wasps, bees, spiders, and people who steal bicycles from garages. I must wrap everything in bubble wrap! Bubble wrap the stairs, bubble wrap the coffee table, and definitely bubble wrap the cat!!! Bubble wrap!!!!!
Breathe. Be calm. In through the nose…out through the mouth. In through the nose…out through the…can babies live in a house with a cat? Do cats eat babies? Do I have to clean up both the cat poop and the baby poop? Why am I tending to 3 people’s feces all of a sudden? Does Kate poop when she has the baby? That makes 4. How do you clean up after baby poop when it is a girl? Am I mature enough to be a father? Why did I write so much about poop? Should I change the title of this blog entry to “Poop?”
This is my life. A constant feed of questions…most without answers (or at least logical answers). Every baby book for dads goes into great detail about all the things that can go wrong with a pregnancy. There is so much room for error. There are so many instances of sadness. Is my baby okay? Will I be a good father? Will Kate and I still be friends? Can I juggle a new job, a new city, and a new baby? So long freedom..hello insecurities. Tomorrow I get to see my baby again and hopefully see if it is a boy or girl. Please…just be okay.