Today I raced across town on my lunch break to meet you for the first time. I had low expectations about actually seeing you as I have no idea what to look for in a sonogram. I’ve seen pictures in the past from other expectant fathers…its all grey swirls to me. I never could find the submarine in those crazy dot pictures either where you have to stare at it for a while. I’d watch someone do it and exclaim what it was and then repeat their reaction and excitement later. “Oh! It’s the U.S.S. Enterprise!” I saw dots.
It was my first time at the OB/GYN and I had no idea where I was going. One way streets, pregnant women everywhere, and detailed instructions and a map from your mother. “Go immediately down the stairs once you enter the front doors.” I was right on time but Kate was nowhere to be seen – I was too late. The door opened and there was Kate just finishing up with the technician. “Ooh! There he is!” She exclaimed as I jogged across the hall into the room.
The technician dimmed the lights and my heart began racing. I had no idea what to expect. The technician moved the sonogram probe jelly thing around and suddenly stopped and said “there’s your baby,” pointing to a grey swirl on the screen. “Ah.” I said. “Yes.” The technician continued to explain that “the little guy was jumping around a few minutes ago.” I panicked…had something gone wrong. Was I bad luck? Where is my baby? I can’t see anything! All I see are dots!
Then you did 3 back flips and kicked your legs. My little jumping bean!
I felt the tears well up in me immediately, I gripped Kate’s hand hard, and I knew that everything was going to change. I saw your heart beating. I’ve never been more excited to meet someone. I’ve never loved someone so quickly. You are beautiful. I make no promises about life and the ups and downs it will inevitably take for you but I will guarantee you one irrevocable truth that cannot be broken: I love you and will always be there for you. I will always do everything in my power to make you happy and teach you how to be a strong individual. You will always have a place where you are loved without judgment. You will always have a home. Your dad will never stop loving you. I’m waiting impatiently to meet you face to face, sleep now and keep growing – you are only the size of a cherry, you will be big and strong soon. Love,
p.s. Stop making your mom toot so much.