Everything is Going to Change

Dear Zig,

Today I raced across town on my lunch break to meet you for the first time.  I had low expectations about actually seeing you as I have no idea what to look for in a sonogram.  I’ve seen pictures in the past from other expectant fathers…its all grey swirls to me.  I never could find the submarine in those crazy dot pictures either where you have to stare at it for a while.  I’d watch someone do it and exclaim what it was and then repeat their reaction and excitement later.  “Oh!  It’s the U.S.S. Enterprise!”  I saw dots.

It was my first time at the OB/GYN and I had no idea where I was going.  One way streets, pregnant women everywhere, and detailed instructions and a map from your mother.  “Go immediately down the stairs once you enter the front doors.”  I was right on time but Kate was nowhere to be seen – I was too late.  The door opened and there was Kate just finishing up with the technician.  “Ooh! There he is!”  She exclaimed as I jogged across the hall into the room.

The technician dimmed the lights and my heart began racing.  I had no idea what to expect.  The technician moved the sonogram probe jelly thing around and suddenly stopped and said “there’s your baby,” pointing to a grey swirl on the screen.  “Ah.”  I said.  “Yes.”  The technician continued to explain that “the little guy was jumping around a few minutes ago.”  I panicked…had something gone wrong.  Was I bad luck?  Where is my baby?  I can’t see anything!  All I see are dots!

Then you did 3 back flips and kicked your legs.  My little jumping bean!

I felt the tears well up in me immediately, I gripped Kate’s hand hard, and I knew that everything was going to change.  I saw your heart beating.  I’ve never been more excited to meet someone.  I’ve never loved someone so quickly.  You are beautiful.  I make no promises about life and the ups and downs it will inevitably take for you but I will guarantee you one irrevocable truth that cannot be broken: I love you and will always be there for you.  I will always do everything in my power to make you happy and teach you how to be a strong individual.  You will always have a place where you are loved without judgment.  You will always have a home.  Your dad will never stop loving you.  I’m waiting impatiently to meet you face to face, sleep now and keep growing – you are only the size of a cherry, you will be big and strong soon.  Love,


p.s.  Stop making your mom toot so much.

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