When Babies Start Talking

After three months of being an adorable meat-pile of cuteness our 3-month-old, Dodge, has started exploring his voice.  It started last week as he was laying on his blanket and staring up at a mobile…a small grunt…then a sigh…then a babble, a coo, and a menagerie of noises and sounds began to flow from him.  He is beginning his long journey to learn to communicate with the world through speech.  It seems like yesterday our 2-year-old Max was laying on the bed of our old apartment grasping a teething ring while grunting out sighs for the very first time.  Now?  Max is a non-stop flow of sentences and sounds that seem to have no end.  As the saying goes…

You spend the first few years of their lives teaching them to walk and talk, then the rest of their lives telling them to sit down and shut up.

Since learning this new skill, Dodge wants to show it off all the time such as 2 AM, 3 AM, 4 AM, and so on.  He also has his first tooth coming in so he’s quite good at the fussing and crying sounds as well.  It is both an exciting time and an exhausting time in our household.  One of the things I learned from a friend the first time around is that right when you think you can’t take something anymore like 2 AM feedings, teething, etc., that phase ends and the next one begins.  So you get relief and discover a new frustration all at the same time.  With Max I was so happy when he slept through the night and got his teeth in that I can hardly remember how it came to be that he evolved from grunt to, “I love you Dada.”  So grunt away Dodge…Daddy is listening.

I wonder what his first word will be?  Anyone remember Max’s?  I do.

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The Meaning Of Father’s Day

When I was little I remember Father’s Day meaning my dad would sleep in, we’d make breakfast in bed for him, give him cards, and then he’d watch golf all day while my sister and I went off and did whatever we’d normally do.  I would always ask why there wasn’t a Kid’s Day?  My mother would tell me, “Every day is Kid’s Day.”  I don’t think I really understood that till yesterday when I got the real deal Father’s Day for the first time.  I celebrated this holiday when Max was a baby, then when he was 1, but yesterday…2-year-old Max, 3-month-old Dodge, and my wife Kate, and my parents taught me the true meaning of Father’s Day.

I woke up to tiny morning-breath in my face.  Max, my two-year-old, was pretty much standing on top of me waiting for me to wake up.  I sleepily opened my eyes and Max blurted out the words Kate had instructed him to say, “Happy Father’s Day!”  I thanked him and pulled him in for a hug which also came with a morning-breath kiss.  Kate and Dodge brought me breakfast in bed where the four of us sat and watched cartoons together as Max became more and more hyperactive.  Max gave me a homemade giraffe he had made at summer school, dodge coo’d and smiled in my arms, and Kate made everything easy.

I then moved downstairs where I claimed the entire couch to myself and filled the TV with SportsCenter, movies with explosions, and Discovery Channel mockumentary about mermaids.  I napped as well.  Food was brought to me, kids were kept at a distance so I could sleep, and things were fantastically relaxing.  Max decided he was going to be ROBOT MAX for the day (he places a colored box over his head and says “ROBOT MAX” to everything) which is great because you can give him commands and he will execute his duties…he also takes tiny steps and is easy to chase if need be.  If he takes off running it usually ends abruptly with him going box first into a wall or inanimate object.  I love ROBOT MAX.

The afternoon was spent at my parent’s house where family play-time was bountiful.  ”Papa Doo & G.G.,” as the grand kids call them, have toys that are kept at their house so it is like a reunion every time they go over.  Plus there is the pool…and let me tell you, I think Max might be a fish!  For the past few weekends since summer arrived in Kansas we have been working on Max at the pool.  While he enjoyed the zero depth pool at the YMCA, he has been deathly afraid of any water higher than his waist…till recently.  Once I found the right life vest for him that fit him the way he liked…he began spending more time aquatic than on land.  This is fine with me as I am a water person!

With Max clearly comfortable in the pool I have started working on skills he can use at the lake this summer as well as rules.  The rules are simple:

• You must wear a life vest if you are by the pool
• No running no matter what by the pool
• No getting in the water without an adult

The skills we have been working on are jumping in the water and how to swim.  Swimming is easy in the pool where there are no waves but in the lake there is always some motion and our bay tends to swirl slightly causing everything to drift to the west…like a current.  Max is good at using his legs but hasn’t quite mastered the arms part of the doggy-paddle which he’ll need to navigate the waters of Lake George.  He has become fantastic about jumping in from the side of the pool to my arms and can easily get in and out from the steps…but there are no steps at the lake and the height from the dock to the water is a bit higher.  So I taught Max how to go up and down the ladder in the pool and to jump to me from the diving board.  Pretty awesome for a 2-year-old!

Shortly after that video, Max dove head-first into the water from the diving board and I started teaching him how to dive.  He is fearless.  The other great thing is that he is comfortable swimming in the deep end which is great since the lake is about 6 feet deep off our dock and about 15 feet at the raft.  My biggest fear is him having no fear of the water so at the end of every swimming session I have him take off the vest and step into the pool to me.  He sinks like a rock to the bottom without the life vest and comes scrambling to the top with his arms going and his feet kicking.  I give him a second to recover before he is about to go under again, then I grab him and scoop him up in my arms where we talk about our water safety rules and why we always wear a vest by the water.

That night we had a feast.  Peter Luger’s steaks on the grill, dining outside, my boys, my dad, my family…it was great!  I got my dad two goofy cards and a submersible iPhone case like the one used to record the videos above of Max.  Dodge sat in my lap and smiled at me as we drank fine wine and talked about the world.  Then, my dad gave me the look.  I know this look well.  I love this look.  It’s the look that means, “Night swim?”  I nodded back and we slowly snuck away from the table and cleaning duties.  It was our day…why not.  Three generations of boys climbed into the pool as the stars lit up the sky and the water cooled our bodies.  It was perfect.

Its true…every day of the year is “Kid’s Day.”  Yesterday was my favorite Father’s Day with my dad because we got to share the experience together.  I remember him teaching me to swim, playing games with me, and also how we gave him some time off to just relax.  I thought Father’s Day was just about the relaxing part…but after my morning of napping I got itchy feet and wanted to do something fun with my kids.  I wanted to feel like a dad on Father’s Day.  There is no finer feeling than having fun with your child and feeling them hug you.  As I tucked Max in to bed 2 hours past his bedtime he told me, unprompted, that he loved me.  He looked me right in the eyes and said, “I love you Dada.”  Nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.  I squeezed him tight and asked if he had a fun Father’s Day?  He said, “Yup, let’s do it again tomorrow.”  I explained it was once a year and then I asked him a question I should have asked when the day began, “Max, do you know what Father means?”  He had no idea.  I explained that “Father” is another word for “Dada.”  He replied, “…and Mama is the other father.”  No,” I explained, “Mama is the mother.”  You could see him realize what Mother’s Day had been all about and what Father’s Day meant.  He hugged me once more and whispered in my ear, “I love you Dada…Mama’s my sweetheart.”  I called Kate into the room and asked him to repeat what he had just said and he did, “You’re my sweetheart Mama.”  Best feeling ever!!!  There is no better feeling than knowing your child loves you…but hearing it means all the world.

Mom…Dad…I love you.  I know you have taken on the roles of being grandparents to my and my sister’s kids but you will always be our parents.  Mom, you are MY sweetheart.  Dad, I will always go night swimming with you.  I love you both and I can’t thank you enough for spending my childhood teaching me how to be a parent now.  I am simply following your example and in return…my sons love me.  Thank you.  Happy Father’s Day.  Happy Mother’s Day.  Every day is kids day…but it should be Parent’s Day.  I love you.

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Panic Attacks: My 1 Year Anniversary

One year ago today my life changed.  On June 11th, 2012 I had a panic attack that wouldn’t stop and sent me tumbling into depression uttering the words, “things will never be the same…” over and over and over again.  I was convinced that the terrible feeling of overwhelming anxiety that had consumed me would last forever.  I was convinced I was handicapped.  I was convinced my life would never be the same.  I was convinced I was going to die.  There were a lot of things I was convinced of at that time and only one of them was true…my life would never be the same…but not the way I thought.  I was convinced that everything was downhill from that moment on…because how could someone possible recover from an experience like the one I had.  How could things ever be normal?  How could things ever go back to the way they were?

They can’t.  They won’t.  They never will…and now I know I never want things to be like they were before.

It took me a few months to stop looking at my anxiety as something that needed to be fixed and learned that it was something I needed to address.  As soon as I stopped trying to fix everything I was able to cope with it.  I had stupid timetables and goals I had set forth like how many months I’d take my medication before I stopped and got back to normal.  Back to normal.  That right there may be the worst three words I’ve ever spoken.  Were things normal before?  I thought they were but with 20/20 hindsight I am able to see that I have been living with anxiety my whole life but wasn’t addressing it…so my body forced me to see it on June 11th, 2012.  How did I not know?  How did I not know that there was all this anxiety bubbling up inside of me?  It seems so clear to me now…but again…I have 20/20 hindsight.

Very recently I started to figure out that things would never get “back to normal.”  How I was living before, though it seemed normal, was not healthy to my psyche.  I was ignoring my emotions and when they came bubbling up to the top I was freaked out by them and saw them as a physical problem.  I felt physically weird…so it made sense.  I felt “normal,” all the time and then all of a sudden I would feel woozy in my head.  After having this happen many times I started to think, “there must be something seriously wrong with me.”  Then my brain focused on this and convinced myself that when I felt woozy it could be the moments before my death.  So now I’m dying?  It might sound stupid but that’s how I think the evolution of my anxiety came about.  Since I didn’t know I was having anxiety attacks I perceived them as larger spells of me possibly dying.  That is stressful.  On June 10th I had a big anxiety attack because I had a migraine and on June 11th I told myself those terrible words, “Things will never be the same.”

So what is “normal?”  For me…”normal” meant how I felt before…but now I know that wasn’t normal.  I spent a lot of time this past year trying to get back to the way things were…but if I could…would I want to go back to being someone who isn’t in touch with the emotions inside of them self?  No.  So what is “normal?”  Getting back to “normal” means going backwards and that is not how life works.  Life is tied to time and both flow ever forward.  Getting back to “normal” is swimming upstream.  That is a battle, and once you get back upstream you have two choices:

1. Keep fighting the current forever
2. Get washed right back downstream

This revelation (albeit obvious to some) is why I will never get back to “normal”…because I am moving forward.  For better or worse I am moving forward because I already know what is behind me and I can’t go back.  I can’t change it, fix it, relive it or go back to it.  I can go forward, and unlike the past I have some say in how things go moving forward.  I feel better.  I have less anxiety than I did a year ago and I don’t know how this will all play out but I’m in for the ride.  I knew all the things I’d never do again after that panic attack and I was wrong about all of them.  I can fly on planes, I can be in large crowds, I can leave my house, I can be a good father, and I am happy.  Sometimes I’m anxious…and that’s okay.

One year ago today my life changed.  For the better.  June 11th, 2012 is the day my body set off an alarm and told me I needed to start appreciating how good life is.  That was when I learned it is okay to be scared.  That was when I learned how great my family is, how amazing my marriage is, and how much I am not alone.  It is a day to celebrate.  It marks the beginning of the journey I am on and I am no longer looking for the end…I’m just traveling downstream and taking it as it comes.  I can’t go back.  I have an opportunity to make myself a better person along the way which I aim to try to do as my children look to me for guidance…and I to them.  If you are living with anxiety and fear you are not alone.  Please help me celebrate today by doing something positive outside your comfort zone and see where it takes you.  Say yes when you would normally say no.  Break up your routine a bit and see who you meet or what adventures (big or small) are ahead.  Life is out there!!!  It is awesome, scary, exhilarating, exhausting, amazing, dangerous, loving and everything you can and can’t imagine it to be.  Let’s live it.

Standing on a rock in the middle of a waterfall along the Padanarum road in my hometown of Bolton Landing, NY…where all streams lead to the lake:  Home.

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Potty Training Success

When my wife Kate and I made the call to start aggressively potty training our two-year-old (Max) last week…we had no idea how well he would take to it.  We had made the preparations and tried a few times in the past without success so we waited till he was ready.  All the signs were there:

• He wanted his diaper changed immediately if he went in it
• He was sitting on the potty and pretending
• He was watching other kids in school use the potty
• He was asking about using the potty
• He would try to hide his number 2′s

June 6th Progress

Last week Kate and I started the sticker reward system and Max took to it right away.  Then he lost a bit of interest and we had more attempts than successful deposits.  Then…Sunday happened.  On Sunday we lost count of the attempts and we had four successful deposits!  Four!  All pee-pee.  We had two successful pee-pee’s at home in the daytime, one successful pee-pee out at dinner, and then the most shocking one of all.  At about 10 PM, hours after Max’s bedtime, I heard him call out to me, “Dada! I need to go pee-pee!”  I went upstairs into his room where he was waiting in bed and holding himself.  We quickly ent into the bathroom, sat on the Spider Man potty, and booya!  He went.  He didn’t want to go in his diaper at night so he called out for help and successfully went on the potty.  Then he had a glass of water and went right back to bed.  I…was…amazed!

June, 9th Progress

I am curious to see how this week pans out with him going to summer school.  He’ll surely regress a bit from the progress made over the weekend at home with both parents around but I think he is going to stick with it and potty train like a champ!  He now holds himself if he has to go so you have a physical warning but most important was last night’s late-night success…he told us…we didn’t ask him.  That’s HUGE!!!  To say I’m a proud papa would be a massive understatement.  My son is potty training, he has conversations with me, we play catch, he swims with me, and so much more.  I can tell…this is the summer he is going to go from being a toddler to becoming a little boy. “I can do it all by myself,” he tells me…and he can.  Go get em Max, Daddy is right behind you.  Well…not right behind you, but happily supporting you from a safe distance with wet wipes!

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Potty Training Tools

After the Poo-Poo Potty Party for our two-year-old’s first poop on the potty Tuesday, we put the tools into action this week to help get Max inspired.  My wife, Kate, downloaded and printed some free potty training charts from a site we liked, put up the cork boards I bought, and instigated the incentive plan we came up with.  Max loves cars…he’s a boy…big shock right?  So instead of giving him new cars as gifts now, he has one pinned to the board in the bathroom that he can earn by making daily attempts and fast-track with successful deposits.  It’s like a toy store that accepts excrement for payment!  Poop is dollars, pee is quarters, and attempts are nickles.  Either way, Max is working hard for that sweet Lightning McQueen car on the board and he can’t stop talking about it!

Last night we had our first Pee-Pee Potty Party and little Max proudly put a sticker up on his chart.  Does the system work?  We are three days in and all Max wants to do is try to go to the potty, put stickers on the chart, and get that sweet Lightning McQueen car!  Oh sweet, sweet, Lightning McQueen car!  I think it is working.  Kate and I had talked about doing this for months but decided we’d wait till after we had our baby.  Dodge is three months old now and we simply dropped the ball.  However, better late than never and Max has taken to it like a fish to water.

The downside to all this is he loves his Spider Man Potty which sits on top of the regular toilet.  Max loves to be a “big boy” and do things all by himself.  So the Spider Man Potty often stays on the toilet and let me tell you…it is a shocking surprise to sit on first thing in the morning when you have not fully woken up yet or had your first sip of coffee.  Those side handles will get you!  Oh well, if this is what it takes to get Max out of diapers…then so be it!  The kid is a hulk!  You know what hulks poop?  Hulk-sized poop…into a diaper…which you get to change.  It is not fun.  As comedian Louis C.K. says, your kid is too old for diapers if at the end of the diaper change the kid can say, “Thank you Daddy.”

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