I Miss Max

Kate and Max are in Iowa this weekend for a birthday party and to see family, leaving me alone with the house and an old cat.  I forgot to pick up cat food yesterday…so the cat is old and hungry…bad combo.  I took the baby gate off the top of the stairs for the weekend since I won’t need it and I keep finding myself freaking out at how unsafe it is to not have the gate…what if Max…oh, right…he’s not here.  I miss Max.  This morning while getting ready for work light came spilling into his room filling it with the glow of morning.  I suddenly rushed in there hoping he would magically be there, as if Tink had brought him back to me from Never Never Land.  Just an empty crib.  His blanket still smells like him.  I miss Max.  This morning Kate called because Max was asking for me.  Max shouted into the phone in his 1-year-old voice, “Dada? Dada?”  I responded and we talked – though mostly he wanted to talk about duckies and noses…2 of his only words.  Tonight I’ll probably rent a horror movie or something Kate would never watch, take a box of Girl Scout Cookies to bed with me, and cuddle up with Max’s blanket and the cat.

• NOTE TO SELF: Feed Cat

Damn you Girl Scout Cookies!  You arrive in my house the very day Kate and Max go on a weekend road-trip!  So long diet!  I miss Max.  I miss Kate.  I didn’t sleep last night, it was strange being home alone without either of them there.  I woke up on Kate’s side of the bed, the covers on the floor, and completely discombobulated.  I miss Kate.  I miss Max.

MEEEOOOOOW!

Stupid cat. Gotta go get cat food now.

Tags: 1-year-old, away, blanket, cat, Girl Scout Cookies, Iowa, max, miss, Never Never Land, road trip, Tink

Best Father/Son Time

Max Loves "Wu!"

Every time my wife goes out I suddenly forget that I’ve been a father for over a year and turn into a bumbling idiot with questions even the babysitters don’t need to ask.  Where are his diapers?  What time does he go to bed?  Which end is up?  Can he eat paper or is food better for him?  Seriously…I panic at first.  It’s like how cell phones have killed our ability to memorize numbers.  I call my sister all the time but outside of the area code I have no idea what her number is “…did I catch a niner in there?”  Cheers to everyone that got the Tommy Boy reference.  The fact remains…I know how to take care of my son without my wife, I just forget how to for about 5 minutes every time she is scrambling to go out the door.

Last night I was torn between two duties with my wife not being home:

1. Putting my son to sleep
2. Watching the Wichita State game

I hadn’t put Max to sleep by myself in a few weeks when his whole routine changed.  I’ve done it with Kate…but not just me.  Then there’s my Wichita State game…last away game of the season and a win equals the MVC Title.  Sure I can DVR the game and be caught up to real-time by the second half but my friends text me non-stop during the games so I’d have to turn my phone off.  What if my wife needed something?  What if I needed something?  What to do?  The answer was obvious…take Max to a bar and watch the game with a bunch of other WSU fans, and that is exactly what we did.

Heroes Cheers!

We sat side-by-side at a table at Heroes Sports Bar & Grill with a great view on one of the new HD TVs.  I ordered a brewski…Max had sweet potato tater tots.  Max clapped and pointed to the TV every time our beloved mascot Wu-Shock was shown and then he would chant “Woo!  Woo!”  He calmly ate his taters.  I pointed out as much stuff as I could about the game, he is a fan of Joe Ragland so he claps every time he sees Joe.  We high-fived a lot, worked on our dance moves, cheers’d glasses, hugged, etc.  He is only a 1-year-old but I had the dad dream day with my son…we bonded over a basketball game.  At halftime he was still going strong so I ordered another beer and we stayed for the second half.  He (as in the first) was a perfect angel.

Happy Bath Time!

Max never fussed nor cried.  He was happy as could be and we had a blast together.  With 4 minutes left he was clearly exhausted…it was 2 hours past his bedtime.  I pulled him into my lap, wrapped him up in a hug, and he sat calmly there hugging me from time to time and peeking up to show me his smile.  We had a lovely drive home singing songs (the Shockers won and we were celebrating) and before we knew it were back home getting ready for the bath.  He was very excited during his bath and played with every toy, splashed profusely, laughed with glee, and drank a fair amount of bath water even though kindly asked not to.  Without tears we toweled off, lotioned up, put on our jammies, and turned off the lights.  He laid on my lap while I fed him his “night-night bottle” and his eyes never stopped happily looking into mine.  Then, before drinking the entire bottle, he stopped and looked at me in a way that said “I’m done with the bottle.”  So I carried him to his crib and placed him gently down.  He rolled over on his side, I tucked him in, kissed his little head, and off to sleepy-land he went.

That may have been the best night of my life.  Those are the nights dads dream of.  Sports, interaction, high fives, bonding, and loving tenderness.  I thought days like this were years away since most babies like cartoons and baby food.  Not my Max.  He loves basketball, eats almost anything, loves his Dada, has a few words, knows some sign language, and is so much easier to put to sleep once we gave him a better night-time routine.  Some day Max will grow up and read all of this, maybe when he is getting ready to have kids of his own.  Max, if you’re reading this…I love you.  The day you were born was the best day of my life.  Each and every day since has been the best day of my life because every day spent with you and your mother is better than the day before.  The two of you make everything in my life sweeter because happiness is meant to be shared.

Tags: basketball, bath, bath-time, bonding, bottle, Dad, Dada, daddy, father, Heroes Sports Bar & Grill, high five, Joe Ragland, max, mom, mommy, night night, routine, Ryan, Shockers, sign language, sleep, sleeping, son, Sports, Tommy Boy, Wichita State, words, Wu, Wu Shock

Mr. Rogers vs. Cartoons

Being an uncle prior to fatherhood has afforded me the opportunity to get a good handle on what is going on out there in the world of Kid’s TV.  I directed a number of Kid’s TV shows in my early career for Disney, The Kid’s WB, and The Oxygen Network so it is an industry I am close to.  Back then, we were still making wholesome programming that involved extreme sports, learning lessons, and music.  Today…things have gone bat-sh*t.

The last cartoon I enjoyed watching with my nephew was Sponge Bob Square Pants, it has miraculously found a way to create programming that is fun for kids, young adults, and adults.  However, it is the genesis of a trend in cartoons that is ruining Saturday mornings everywhere: shouting. Sorry…SHOUTING!!!  This summer I found myself watching cartoons with my nephew to discover that every show is filled with non-stop hyperactive intensity, constant motion, and most importantly characters that just scream at each other.  It was the most annoying thing I’ve ever experienced.  Just hours of screaming and shouting and sugar induced fits of screaming and shouting!

“Let’s go to the zoo today!”

“ZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!  I love the zoo!!!  Can we look at the monkeys?!!!  Can we look at the monkeys?!!!  Can we look at the monkeys?!!!  Can we look at the monkeys?!!!  MONKEEEEEEEEYS!!!!!!”

That’s pretty much today’s cartoons in a nutshell.  They just come at you with shouting right away!  Everything is over the top!  …and we wonder why our kids are hyperactive.

Max Watches Basketball

Max, who is 1-year-old, has discovered the TV and it is starting to really get his attention.  Mostly, he loves SportsCenter and basketball…but we are happy to encourage him to play with toys instead.  This Sunday he seemed fascinated with the TV so sought out something for us to watch together.  What I found was Mr. Rogers’ Neighborhood, the show I grew up with.  Max’s reaction was amazing.  Instead of running in circles around the room and clapping his hands as he does for EVERYTHING else on TV…he sat quietly and watched calmly with a smile.  We danced to the musical numbers, waved to the characters, and spoke in calm low voices.  It was lovely.  I loved this show as a kid…LOVED it!  I would come home from school, make “Mr. Rogers Snacks” (cubes of cheese with sliced bananas on toothpicks), and watch this show.  At the end of it I would either go play outside or in my room with my toys.  Importantly, I did something this show and my mother preached daily…I used my imagination.

There is no imagination in Kid’s TV anymore.  Its half hour after half hour of characters screeching at each other.  The subject matter and drawing style changes with each show but its the same crap.  Yelling.  As kids get older the shows are all crappy version of Saved by The Bell but with younger kids who become Pop Idols.  They teach our kids terrible lessons in priorities and work ethics.  They promote clicks, getting caught up in menial social B.S., and being rewarded for doing what is expected of them.  In America the FCC bans nudity from your TV but allows shows like CSI to show severed body parts and discuss murder like its dinner conversation.  We’re all quick to point a finger at these shows and shout that society imitates art (or does art imitate society?).  However, the simple truth is that we are to blame…we are consumers and this is what we are consuming.

Be careful what you let your kids consume.  I wouldn’t let my 1-year-old consume a soda or sugar…same goes for the TV.  I’m not going to present him with unhealthy programming options.  If he wants to watch SportsCenter and basketball with me, that is awesome and I love it in moderation.  If we are going to watch something together for him?  Mr. Rogers‘ and Sesame Street are perfect!  However, the best option is still no TV at all.  Max has never been babysat by the TV…he’s too busy playing nicely in the corner or running around outside.  Mommy and Daddy are both TV people, heck its my job!  There will be TV in our house as our kids grow up, but like their diets we will carefully choose what we put in front of them and when.  As a guy who has written, produced, and directed Kid’s TV the best advice I can give you is this:

Turn off your TV.  Go outside.  Play a game.  It was always more fun making the TV show than watching it because we were all doing something fun together.  Use your imagination.  If you teach your kids to play games early in their life they will continue to find ways to inspire fun and creativity in themselves.  If you need a little help coming up with an activity or game check out Play 101, a blog written by a mother who invents games for her kids and inspires imagination.

Tags: wichita, max, screaming, America, basketball, play, TV, neighborhood, Mr. Rogers', PBS, KPTS, Cartoons, Sponge Bob Square Pants, Shouting, Loud, programming, FCC, CSI, nudity, Saved By The Bell, imagination, creativity, turn off the TV, SportsCenter, Sports Center, Sesame Street, Play 101, Play101, games, toys, outside, Disney, Kid's WB, Oxygen, hyperactive, sugar, soda, consumers

Weaning a 1-Year-Old

Max at 3 months

Last week, my wife Kate and I made the decision to give our adorable 1-year-old Max some tough love and let him cry it out at night to break his (and our) bad habits of waking in the night.  As often is the case with toddlers…the issue we were experiencing came from us.  We were teaching him it was okay to wake up and cry because we would come to him every time.  What did he do?  Wake up more often and cry more.  So we let him cry it out instead.  We had a few nights with some frequent waking up and crying but every time he woke, he put himself back to sleep.

Now, a week and half later, Kate and I go to bed at night and we don’t get out of bed till the alarm clock goes off in the morning!  Max?  He sleeps through the night and wakes up in an awesome mood.

The next step is weaning him which we (Kate) have already begun doing.  He only breast-feeds before bed and first thing in the morning when he wakes up.  During the day he has cow’s milk from a sippy cup (no bottles) or watered down juice.  Over the next few weeks we will eliminate the night and morning breast-feeding sessions till he is 100% weaned from the ole mom-keg.

When Max was born we made the decision to breast-feed for a year (if physically possible) and it was the best decision I think we could have made for Max.  For parents out there getting ready to welcome a newborn I can’t tell you how much I encourage you to stick with breast-feeding.  It is rough at first!  We were lucky, Max latched on first try only minutes into the world but in the beginning moms don’t produce a plethora of milk, the baby wants to feed all the time, and moms may feel completely drained both emotionally and physically.  It isn’t easy being a food source for a baby, it takes total sacrifice.  You are basically (as a mom) saying I will be there when you need me and my time is now your time.  Sounds easy as an expecting parent when you’re all prepared to be the “best darn parents out there,” but I dare a current mom who breast-fed to tell me she didn’t have a night when she was fed up and awake crying at some ridiculous hour of night with a tiny bundle of neediness (not joy) attached to her tit.  Of course there is cluster-feeding which we struggled with greatly!  On the flip side, moms get to spend extremely intimate moments with their child and experience them falling asleep while pressed against their skin.  Dads, this is where you should be prepared to feel jealous and left out.  As a dad you should make it a point when possible to cuddle with your wife and baby when they are breast-feeding.  Other times you can take your shirt off and feed your baby via a bottle while he or she lies on your skin.  Most times, you must resign to the fact that the baby is simply going to bond with Mom more in the first year.

We made the decision to stick with it for a slew of reasons.  A big one is formula is CRAZY expensive!  Breast-feeding is free.  Mostly, breast-feeding is better for your little one’s digestive system and since my family suffers from tons of GI issues we wanted to give Max every tool we could to combat problems and develop healthy habits.  There are nutrients passed from Mother to child, bonding development, and so much more.  Obviously, there are many reasons why some people cannot breast-feed and for that formula is an awesome solution.  The rest of us?  Its hard.  Buck up.  Nature gave moms breast-milk for a reason.

Now that Max is weaning, Dada reigns supreme in out house!  I am the tickle monster!  I am the playmate!  I am the jungle gym!  I am the carrier!  I am his favorite word…”Dada.”  It’ll melt your heart guys.  So all you dads-to-be, make sure you support the moms if breast-feeding is your choice as a family.  Support her.  Help her.  Be patient.  While she is sacrificing her body and time you will feel like you are outside looking in.  However, the first year breezes by and before you know it you’ll be weaning and you will be number 1 in your baby’s eyes.  Be patient, do what is best for you as a family, and have fun.

Now Max sits for dinner with us and feeds himself

Tags: mom, breast-feeding, natural, nature, breast, milk, bottle, cluster feeding, skin, feeding, Dada, waking, sippy cup, 1-year-old, weaning, cow's milk, expecting parents, formula, jelousy

Where Have My Eyebrows Gone?

As a boy I loved poking fun at my father as his hairline slowly receded.  I’d stand over him while he sat at the dinner table and say “The peninsula is disconnecting from the mainland!”  The fact that he let me do this is a testament to the patience my father had as well as a good sense of humor…two virtues I am a bit lacking in.  Eventually the peninsula did disconnect from the mainland and become a lone island, separated from the hairline mainland by a channel of forehead, till one day only a grove of trees remained – emerging from the sea with no land in sight.  My dad informed me that “payback would be a bitch.”  That payback has begun.

While my hairline has certainly ebbed like a low tide, there are no islands or peninsulas to speak of yet.  However, before my dad’s bangs did a swan-dive he underwent another hair-loss that was subject to much chiding.  His eyebrows disappeared.  I remember noticing one day that they had thinned down to the point where you could see right through them.  Then, maybe a year later, they were all but gone.  Today he’s probably got like 4 eyebrow hairs per brow!  Where did they go?!!!  More importantly, they were the tell that he was about to start losing his top hair and for the first time in my life I’m scared about my own.  My eyebrows have gone out to sea.

This week I have grown a mustache as a joke…though truthfully I wear it well.  It will only be here for a short period of time but while it is here it has caused me to look at my face in the morning and realize that I hardly have any eyebrows left!  My left eyebrow has thinned down so much that all you can see is the scar I acquired as a boy when I was struck in the head with a baseball bat during tee-ball.  My right one is equally thinned but not having a scar on that side actually causes it to look more bald.  Both brows are only bushy towards the center though even that area has thinned down substantially.  More noteable…I now see that while my hairline has not receded…the front has drastically thinned.  The water level is going down!

Oh eyebrows, eyebrows, wherefore art thou eyebrows?  Is this the beginning of the end?  Is this the end of faux hawks and visors?  Or, are my eyebrows falling out because of my tee-ball scar on the left and my old eyebrow piercing on the right?  <sigh>  Bring it on Dad…payback is a bitch.

Tags: bald, balding, disappearing, eyebrows, forehead, gone, hair, island, loss, peninsula, receding, rogaine, scar, tee-ball, trees, where

Wichita vs. Omaha: Remember You Live in Wichita

One of the big perks to moving back to Wichita from NY was the ability to go to WSU basketball games, an experience that feeds the soul.  Though I did not go to Wichita State, I grew up in Wichita and was hooked by the Shockers as soon as I went to a game and experienced that crowd, that team, the energy.  It is something special.  In NY we tried to get involved in local athletics but there was no tie to anything major for us in the Adirondacks.  The Mets were 4 hours away as were the Sox, the Bills were 9 hours away, and the Jets or Giants could never steal my love away from the Chiefs.  I did get to see Jimmer Fredette play in Glens Falls which was cool, but we were happier to just cheer with our friends for the Bolton Eagles in soccer, baseball, and whatever sports our friend’s kids were playing that season.  Still, nothing has perked my passion like WSU Basketball.  Since the Shocks are a Missouri Valley team they rarely got TV coverage so I often found myself crouched over a computer listening to the game streaming online…untill now.

WSU Bench Celebrates (AP)

Upon moving back I have only missed 1 home game in 2 seasons and have traveled to many away games, tournaments, and functions.  This week I traveled with the team to Omaha, Nebraska for the heated rivalry game against the Creighton Blue Jays.  Let me just say, Creighton fans might be the rudest I have ever met.  Creighton and WSU have been jockeying for first and second place in the Valley all season long and have completely separated themselves from the pack.  They beat us on our home court on New Years and now it was our turn to beat them on their court as the season closes in on the tournament.  I won’t retell the entire game, for that go to ESPN for the recap, but I will tell you that WSU laid down a major ass whipping.  Major.

I was sitting directly behind the bench so I got the full experience of the Creighton fans.  During the National Anthem, the student section drunkenly sang along and intentionally over shadowed the singer on the court who was doing a lovely job…on their home court.  Their timing was completely off from his so as they sang “…and the rocket’s red glare…” he was still singing “…were so gallantly streaming…”  CentryLink Center is an arena where the fans can drink, most NCAA venues don’t allow this, so the fans tend to get belligerent early.  On a trip to the bathroom we were boo’d by fans that yelled in our faces, I had popcorn thrown at me, and many expletives as well.  Nice.  Throughout the game we were verbally accosted…and not the kind of fan vs. fan banter you’d expect, this was just ignorant and mean.  With 8 minuets left in the game their fans began to leave in a mass exodus!  8 minutes!  We were up by a dozen points but anything can happen in 8 minutes!  When the Blue Jays saw their fans leaving it took the wind out of them and they collapsed like flan in the cupboard.  The game wound down, the final buzzer blew, and the once record-breaking attendance crowd had been whittled down to a spattering of the Omaha proud.  One sign was still visible in the stands held up by one of Creighton’s finest,

“Remember You Live in Wichita”

Ignorant Creighton Fan

Was that supposed to be a dig?  Seriously?  I mean, first of all that is choice coming from Omaha…its not like Omaha is the cultural center of the universe and world-renowned as a great city.  They’ve got steaks.  It just made me laugh to myself and think, “Hell yes I live in Wichita!”  I’ve lived in Boston, New York City, Los Angeles, San Francisco, and Bolton Landing before moving to Wichita…and I have to tell you this is one of the best places on earth to call home.  I too was worried when I moved here 2 years ago that it would be a boring place to live…I mean..seriously, has anyone outside of Wichita ever heard anything good about Wichita?  Do people outside of Wichita even know where Wichita is?  Probably not.  When I talk to people from Wichita they assume I moved here from NYC because most Midwesterners think of the city when they hear “New York.”  In fact I was living in Bolton Landing, a town with a population of around 2,000 in the Adirondack park 4 hours outside of New York City.  Most people are shocked to learn that my area of New York is rolling mountains, lakes, and farms.

Wichita is the same, most outsiders have this image in their head of flat nothingness and country-folk wearing camouflage.  Truth be told, more people wear camo in Upstate NY than in Wichita, KS.  While wheat and dairy is the primary choice of farming in Kansas, Wichita’s economy thrives on entrepreneurial gusto.  Wichita is where Pizza Hut, Rent-A-Center, Coleman, and Koch Industries were started along with almost every plane manufacturing company (like Beechcraft) that builds the aircraft that carries all of you over what you call “Flyover Country.”  Wichita has very liberal morals and has a very accepting “go-with-the-flow” attitude about things.  We are foodies and have a plethora of fine dinning establishments to support that.  We have a thriving art scene including galleries, theaters, film festivals, and more.

We left Creighton and Omaha behind as the team plane soared into the night air and whisked us all home to Wichita to celebrate.  As we flew into town, Wichita looked majestic from the sky.  You could clearly make out The Arkansas River slicing through downtown, who’s skyline was lit up like thousands of stars.  The edges of the suburbs drifted off like tendrils into the prairie, where the deer and antelope do truly play,  Hawks and bald eagles soar, prairie dogs build communities, and horse back riding isn’t a hobby – its a means of transportation.  Money Magazine ranked Wichita as one of the top 10 cities in America to live while MSN Real Estate ranked us #1 as the U.S.’s most affordable large city.  MovieMaker Magazine just ranked Wichita in the top 10 cities in America for independent filmmakers to film, which is wonderful news for me as a film producer.  There are so many reasons to love Wichita…but right now the most compelling reason is that there are no terrible Creighton fans here.  ”Remember You Live In Wichita.”  You bet your ass I do!  The fact that this sign was shown on national television made Omaha look like a very undesirable place to live.  Tom Shatel of the Omaha World-Herald added to the disgrace of Creighton fans when he wrote a piece prior to the game childishly poking at Wichita and our coach Gregg Marshall saying, “…you might even see Gregg Marshall, the head Woo-Shock himself, do a jig on the C-link dance floor. Oh, the horror.”  Mr. Shatel then referred to Coach Marshall as having “blue paranoia” twice in the article.  What is blue paranoia?  After the Shockers won on Saturday, Mr. Shatel left the press conference early to avoid the shame of having to face Gregg much like the Creighton fans who left CentryLink at the 8 minute mark.  Disgraceful.  However, as much as I hate Creighton fans, I wanted to thank them for reminding me why Wichita is such a great place to live.  I’m glad I moved here and there is nowhere else I’d rather be right now – not even a big, thriving metropolis, cultural mecca, home of the WORLD-Herald, super-awesome place like Omaha, Nebraska.

Me Cheering The Shocker's Win Over Creighton on ESPN

Hooray for Wichita, God Bless America and her heartland, and go Shocks!

Tags: basketball, beechcraft, Blue Jays, boeing, CentryLink, coleman, Creighton, Creighton fans, ESPN, Gregg Marshall, kansas, koch, Missouri Valley, MVC, Nebraska, Omaha, pizza hut, Remember You Live In Wichita, rent-a-center, Shockers, sign, Tom Shatel, wichita, World-Herald, WSU, Wu Shock

Day Care Hall Pass?

Our 1-year-old son Max goes to day care because both my wife and I work.  The day care we go to has some great attributes as well as some that irk me.  This is one that irks me…the hall pass.  There are no classes, there is no first bell, and it is not school…it is day care.  However, they have specifics about when the day begins and ends which I totally get and understand.  However, this is day care, not school, a service I pay for so I can go to work and afford to send my son to day care.  Vicious circle.  If you show up even a minute past the “start time” you have to get a hall pass from the front office.

Max and I have gotten 2 hall passes since we began day care.  The first one seemed understandable since the kids were outside and the regular teacher was not there.  The next time pissed me off.  We were less than 10 minutes late and stopped at the door, the administrator told me “You really need to be on time or call in advance.”  Then she gave me a condescending look and handed me the hall pass.  Oh…by the way, the hall pass is a slip of paper the size of a thumbnail with my son’s name on it, what classroom he is going to, and the administrator’s authorizing signature.  So now I have this tiny hall pass.  Is there some 1-year-old hall monitor with a tiny red sash patrolling the halls looking for babies and toddlers sneaking out of class and busting illegal potty breaks?  My kid can barely say “Dada” let alone “Do you have a hall pass?”  Needless to say, we did not encounter a tiny hall monitor on the 20 foot walk from the desk to his class room.  I handed the hall pass to the teacher and she said, “That’s okay, you can hang on to that.”  Huh?  So what was the purpose?

The purpose is simple…it is an insult to parents and completely demeaning.

Today Max and I were running behind because it is Mommy’s birthday and we were having a family morning.  She called ahead saying Max and I would be late.  When we arrived we headed to the desk to get our hall pass and the administrator said, “You can go on in, I informed them that you would be late.”  Such subtle condescending tones in that sentence.

The next hall pass they give me will elicit a conversation requiring a detailed explanation as to the purpose of the hall pass.  Perhaps I will give them a hall pass for every time I go to pick my son up and have to search all the classrooms at the end of the day because they moved him.  I walked in the door, you said “hi” to me, you knew he was in room 4 and not 6, but you waited till I came back to ask to tell me?  Hall pass…major hall pass.

Tags: Dad, late, wichita, kansas, KS, parents, monitor, Day Care, hall pass, school, administrator, working, busted, pointless, hall monitor, first bell, vicious circle

Letting Toddlers “Cry It Out” At Night: UPDATE

A few days ago I wrote about the issues my wife Kate and I were having with our 1-year-old toddler, Max, who wasn’t sleeping well at night.  Click here to read that post.  Your suggestions and support were great and we agreed that a little tough love would do him good, so 2 nights ago we agreed to try letting him cry it out.  The first night showed great results with him waking up 4 times and crying for only about 30-45 minutes each time and then going back to sleep on his own.  Last night was night 2 of this tough love experiment and it was a different story.

Max went upstairs for his nightly bedtime routine right on schedule.  Bath time was fun, a quick book, a quick nursing to top him off, and into the crib he went.  We then waited to see when he would wake up and if this night would be as easy-going as the night before.  It turned out to be easier.  Max woke up around 2 AM.  He cried for about 15-20 minutes but it was more of a whimper than a wail.  He then slept till 6:45 AM this morning when we woke up.  The result?  A happy baby and two well-rested parents!

I can’t remember the last time Kate and I got sleep like that!  Of course now we feel groggy from getting more sleep than we’re used to but that is a problem I’ll take any day!  It felt even better to know Max was getting back on the right track.  As Kate said this morning, “I like that we have a clear plan on what we are trying to convey to him.”  She felt before we were unsure of what we were teaching him about nighttime so he was unsure how to handle/react to that time.  She is right.  Prior to this plan we had offered him food, comfort from both parents, a quick binky and “go back to sleep,” singing, holding, etc.  We were all over the place!  Now it is a clear message; soothe yourself and go back to sleep till morning.

It is tough but it is working for us, let your little one cry it out or at least be consistent with what you offer them.  As my friend Ben always tells me, “If you do something with them one night, be prepared to do it every night after that.”  So right…but also as we are discovering, it’s never to late to change a habit and send the right message to your kids.  We’re new parents.  We’re learning.  As I’ve discovered in the past few years there is no “right” way to raise a child, just the way that works best for you and for them.

Tags: bath, bath-time, bedroom, bedtime, crib, cry, cry it out, crying, good night, goodnight, moon, night, sleep, sleeping, through the night, toddlers, update, wake, waking

Letting Toddlers “Cry It Out” At Night

Crying On The Beach

Yesterday I wrote to all of you about our sleep woes with Max who is 1-year-old.  He has been waking every two hours at night, fussing when awake, and causing Kate and I extreme headaches and fatigue.  Last night, Kate and I agreed on the game-plan and stuck to it – the result?  A happy boy in the morning and better rested parents.  So…what was the game-plan?  Simple: let him cry it out.  Kate and I agreed to the rules before putting him to sleep and they were…

1. No feeding in the night
2. Let him cry it out when he wakes up
3. Soothe only if he cries for more than an hour

Dinner and bath time went off without a hitch as usual and Max happily went about his nightly bedtime routine.  Kate placed him in the crib while he was still awake and he calmly laid down on his side and drifted off to sleep on his own.  3 hours later, at 11 PM, Kate and I retired for the evening.  A little after midnight he woke up and began to cry.  We remained still and hunkered down for what we were sure was going to be a long night.  Max’s cries crescendoed to wails after about 20 minutes and then slowly ebbed to little pathetic sounds of exhaustion.  On the video monitor we watched him give one last cry of desperation, he accepted the fact that we were not coming, and then he rested his adorable head down and went back to sleep.  At 3 AM the same experience…though this time I think he was up for much less time…I’m not sure, I slept through most of it.  At 5:30 AM he woke up again and Kate asked, “Should we just get up an hour early?”  We debated and decided that we should wait for either sunrise or our day to start before starting his.  He fell asleep (or quieted) again and remained silent till 6:42 AM when my morning alarm clock went off.  We then started our day as usual and guess what?  Max is fine.

We think he has one of his back teeth coming in which are the most painful which would explain why he has been getting up so frequently.  Last night we gave him Baby Tylenol which helped.  However, we realize that his waking up is not a problem he has…it is a problem we have.  We have enabled him to know we will come and soothe him.  Well…no more.  Time for a little tough love buddy!  I think I got better sleep because when he cried I wasn’t cursing the heavens for being awake and waiting to see how long I could stand it…I knew it was going to happen and so I resigned to just roll over and wait it out.  Plus, having Kate in bed so I didn’t lose my cuddle partner was great.  Usually, I’m laying there alone wondering what’s going on in the room next door…tossing and turning…getting frustrated, lonely, upset…  Last night it felt like Kate and I were a team, more than the nights when we tag-team soothing him.  I know we have some more long nights ahead of us…but we are off to a great start!

We had a plethora of friends write to us yesterday and share their experiences and it is truly a blessing to have a network of friends and family that can share their pitfalls and successes with you.  That is what So Long Freedom is on a broader scale, a place where other parents like yourself can learn from my mistakes and triumphs.  It is also a place where I can get advice from all of you!  Thank you for always commenting and sharing, it keeps this wonderful conversation going.

Parenting is the most humbling thing I have ever experienced in my life and raising kids does truly “take a village.”  Thank you (all of you) for always being my virtual village.

Tags: 1-year-old, breast-feeding, crib, cry, cry it out, crying, night, sleep, sleepless, soothe, soothing, teeth, teething, toddler, tooth, tylenol, waking

1-Year-Old Not Sleeping Through The Night

Asleep with hand still in animal crackers bag

I write to you as a man humbled and driven slightly insane from weeks without sleep and an immune system that I think may have kicked the bucket.  Not even remotely exaggerating…I have had a head cold, a stomach bug, or a cough for over a month now!  I have not been well a single day in 2012, the perfect storm of illness spreading has taken place in my house; Max has moved to the toddler room at day care and he has learned to high-five.  Seriously…I need to feel well and I NEED SOME SLEEP!

Following the New Year we got Max on a great sleep cycle.

• 7:30 Bath
• 8:00 Bedtime
• Wakes up around 3-4 AM
• Breast-fed back to sleep
• Wakes up around 6-7 AM

That was awesome.  Then he started waking up around Midnight – 1 AM.  Then he added a 4-5 AM wake-up.  Last week he added a 9-10 PM wake-up.  This week he sleeps for an hour, wakes up, we put him back to bed, he wakes up, to bed, wakes, bed, wake, bed, wake, wake, wake, wake…  It has spiraled OUT OF CONTROL!

Here is the plan from our end to execute in sequential order over the next few weeks:

1. Ween from breast-feeding
2. Eliminate night-time feedings
3. Soothe at night by rocking only

Once that has been accomplished, move on to the next sequential goals:

1. Soothe at night without picking up
2. Soothe at night without touching
3. Ignore cries – Max puts himself back to sleep

We have been using the Elizabeth Pantley No-Cry method till now but when we let him cry he gets so worked up he cannot catch his breath and stands in his crib screaming as loud as he can.  If Kate goes to him he cries for food and fights her.  If I go to him he immediately quiets and pretends to sleep…waits a few minutes…then cries again in hopes that Kate will come.  He takes 1-2 naps a day and goes down for about 1-2 hours.  He is in a great mood all day long and is not in pain at night when he wakes.  When he wakes he is confused and exhausted…the suggestion of laying down is usually greeted with slumped over exhausted compliance…briefly.  He eats all foods, has no allergies, has no major tooth coming in (to our knowledge), and is a few weeks older than 1 year.  This current cycle has him waking EVERY 2 HOURS.

Please…parents out there who have gone through this…tell me what worked for you or help provide insight.  I keep freaking out seeing stuff out of the corner of my eyes, I am (Kate and I both are) so sleep deprived.  Tough love and let him cry?  Buy him a unicorn?  Trade him in for a newer model?

Remember the Good Ole Days of Sleeping?

Tags: 1-year-old, bath, bed, breast-feeding, crib, crying, Elizabeth Pantley, method, night, No-Cry, routine, schedule, sick, sleep, sleeping, sleepless, teeth, tooth, waking